TRUMP SAYS NEW NAVAL CLOAKING DEVICE HUGE ADVANTAGE

Washington DC April 20, 2017
“We invented the flip phone, iPads and other technology from Star Trek futuristic props. It should be no surprise that we have adapted Romulan cloaking technology to our large naval vessels. Initially it was easy to cloak small boats and drones. I am told that we used certain proprietary light-reflective surface technology with advanced holographic mirroring techniques that cause both the human eye and radar/sonar to bypass our covered objects as if they were not there. We got some help from David Copperfield as well. Who said there are no patriotic magicians? The breakthrough came when we were able to boost the signal strength and cover larger areas. We not only hide objects that we choose but we replace the space they occupy with other projected images. Using a satellite-mounted laser delivery system we can keep the illusion steady and move it with exact precision through GPS. We can also just show the ocean. It’s really like bypassing a CCTV camera and replacing it with a loop of a clear hallway like you see in so many movies. We just do it in real life and in real time. Just between us, our internal code name is Ghost Ship. I have asked DARPA to begin to adapt this technology to mobile human forms asap. I’d like to move around without my entourage from time to time. Once we get this fine tuned, I could be in Mar-a-lago or on the golf course and you will believe I am in the White House. Gotta keep ’em guessing and off-balance, right? But look, everyone knows the element of surprise works well during military operations. I still get a kick out of thinking about our enemies lookouts with their binoculars saying “alls well”…. while our giant ships are sitting right off their coast”. ~~slater.com©

UNITED AIRLINES SAYS THEY WILL RENEW CUSTOMER FOCUS

Chicago, Illinois April 14, 2017
“We may have been a little overzealous with our passenger removal protocols. The video does not tell the whole story though. Where are the feel-good videos showing our flight attendants handing out pillows and slippers? That is never online, I noticed. Only the most outrageous out of context situations are captured. Was he really a doctor? Could he prove he had patients appointments back home? If he did, were they really so critical that he must personally attend or could someone else handle it? These are the questions we need answers to and quick. You have my word, this investigation is not over. We’ll continue to make our side of the argument and keep this issue alive as long as it takes no matter how low our stock goes or our moral sinks. Just on principal alone we must stay the course regardless of the outcome. Boycott us or not, we could care less. We don’t own much of this operation anyway. It belongs to the stockholders and almost none of them work here. If United goes the way of TWA or Eastern Airlines, who cares? A different airline will pick up the routes and we’ll just all get jobs there. Meanwhile, do what we say or I think you know the consequences”. ~~slater.com©

RUSSIA SAYS NYET

Moscow April 2, 2017
“No, we did not elect or help to elect your President Trump. We have enough to do here in our country. Many ills to fight and many challenges at home. As expert chess players if we wanted to make moves around your manbaby leader it would be how you say piece of cake. We could do it, of course, but it is not in our interest to run your country and ours simultaneously. We need to focus on our energy business and social programs and such. Why don’t you get your health care fixed? Are we interfering? Why don’t you get your roads, bridges, airports, tunnels, trains, electric grids, power plants, air traffic control, dams, cyber platforms and all other infrastructure repaired or upgraded? Is Big Bad Russian wolf stopping you? Why don’t you get your tax system reformed so your country will regain its competitiveness and your companies will stop hiding their profits offshore? How exactly are we preventing that? Why don’t you decide on your immigration policy? Do what you want. Are we hindering your decision-making abilities? We could care less who you choose to let in or keep out. While it is true that both our countries have been engaging in spying activities and disinformation campaigns for all of this century and most of the last, could it be comrades, that your government and press like to spar over inflammatory topics that inspire a nationalist spirit in your country to sell your news and to keep the peoples attention off of the real issues that affect them right now and will affect their children in the future? If so, then your misdirection is working and you can continue to point your finger and weapons at us. But we are not fooled. Not Nyet anyway”. ~~slater.com©

REPUBLICANS SAY THEY WILL OPPOSE OPPOSE OPPOSE

March 26, 2017 Washington, DC
“We were sent here to Washington by our constituents with a single purpose. Opposition. Oppose Democrats, Oppose Republicans, Oppose Liberals, Oppose Independents, Oppose Conservatives. Oppose anyone and oppose everyone. We will fight and stand by our convictions. We will not compromise. We will not waver and we will not bend nor break. We are firm in our resolve and hear us now: you can take your ill-designed, poorly thought out, Obamacare light, so-called repeal and replace and stuff it in your pillow for extra padding. Because that’s all you’re ever going to do with it. We must follow the wishes of our constituents. And they say, stay the course, easy on the gas, steady as she goes, this ship will not be swayed by your false promises and barely-couched threats. We are sticking and we’re all in with this hand. Until the people have a health care plan that’s as good as the Congressional Health care plan we have, we’ll be voting down any Democratically devised programs. We’ll wait ’em out until we have a majority in the House, Senate and even the Presidency, if necessary. However long it may take, we’ll vote yes when all the stars are aligned.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS HE CAN FOOL ALL OF THE PEOPLE ALL OF THE TIME

Washington, DC March 21, 2017
“Abraham Lincoln was wrong. He said, “You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time”. But I believe I can fool all of the people all of the time because that’s not really my intention. That’s because the truth is fungible. How do we really know how many dimensions there are? Who can tell if string theory permeates speech and actions? Are we really here? Right? Maybe, but probably not. So what so-called words am I speaking or writing that can be quantified in earthly linguistics? Do you truly know how you came to be? What is existence? Is it different for you than me? Can you be the judge of what is real in my world? Should you judge me? Or anyone? So it’s not really a psychic shell game, but a sorely needed shot of non-reality which coincides with the seeming reality we all may find ourselves in. Believe me.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS OBAMACARE BAD

Washington DC, March 12, 2017
“Obamacare is very very bad. Very bad. Sad even. Not redeemable in any way. A total mess. In a complete state of collapse. Totally over. Fortunately we will repeal and replace Obamacare with Trumpcare which will be a first class, high-end, total care plan. We will offer all kinds of healthcare packages for the American people. They will be very affordable. In fact each person will only buy what they can afford. No one and I repeat no one will be forced to buy any coverage at all. Buy whatever type of health coverage you like. If you like it buy it. Many people will go without and just roll the dice. That is their choice, right? We won’t force you to buy something that you don’t want like Obama did. You’re free now. Of course, if you buckle down, work hard, save and invest your money you can buy some of our gold and platinum packages with classy top-shelf healthcare and all the frills. That’s additional incentive to study, apply yourself and be fiscally disciplined. If not, you might need to go without or move to San Francisco and camp out near Nancy Pelosi’s house. She might fund a clinic for anyone who stops by. I’m more of a cash and carry type of guy. In any case, I always say don’t give a man a Band-Aid. Teach him how to heal a wound on his own and he’ll never have an open sore again.” ~~slater.com©

OBAMA DENIES BUGGING TRUMP

Washington, DC March 5, 2017
“I didn’t need to bug him. He can barely contain a single thought that enters his mind. He tweets more than Sasha and Malia combined. It’s like a Jr. High School girl with her first phone. Wire tap him? He bares his innermost soul to the world almost every single day. He says the embarrassing, shocking, hurtful thoughts that most adults have the good sense and self control to replace with common courtesy in polite society. Bug him? I’d rather play Barry Manilow albums backwards to see if there were any hidden messages. It would be more entertaining and productive. If I wanted to know what candidate Trump was saying about any topic, I could’ve turned on any channel at any time. The media he whines incessantly about propped him up into the premier cover girl with 2-3 billion dollars worth of free coverage during the campaign. More info on him? I think I’ve heard enough.” ~~slater.com©

MEDIA CALLS TRUMP FAKE PRESIDENT

Washington, DC February 24, 2017
“We think that Donald Trump is a fake President. We have a series of reliable sources that say he is totally fake with a capital F. Fake like nobody’s business. Faux like the fake facades on his buildings. Glittery like a fake glass ring. Phony like fools gold. If Judges are so-called fake judges and the media only reports fake made-up stories then the leader of this sad rusting hulk adrift at sea must also be fake. President in name only like the shiny gold signs he rents to hotels, apartments and casinos. Not really a Trump property, just says Trump on the door to draw people in.”

In response, President Trump said, “The fake media is at it again. I’m not fake they are. That’s what they are but what am I? Not fake, I can tell you that. I’m the real deal. You don’t get more down to earth real than me. I’m the realist realist you’re gonna find. So the story they just printed about me being fake was fake. That means that two fakes make a real. So if they’re completely fake and their stories are fake, then the story about me being fake wasn’t real and I’m real which like I so totally already knew without their help.”. ~~slater.com©

HILLARY SAYS TO FRY FLYNN

February 15, 2017 Chappaqua, NY
“He wanted to lock me up for calling the Geek Squad at Best Buy to install my home server. Last time I checked the penalty for Treason is death. Did he maintain a non-secure communications device while at the Pentagon against the strict code? Did he communicate American secrets to foreign officials including Russia? What did the President know and when did he know it? Were they chanting lock her up during these purported criminal activities? Reminds me of the same plot used on old TV shows where the criminals call in a fake crime spree to the cops and then pull off their own heist. Distraction? Diversion? Or just plain clown car antics? Seems as if my investigation-loving Republican friends aren’t really in the mood to find out. Stay in your shells boys. If you come out, we may just have a few questions for you.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP TELLS NORDSTROM TO REMEMBER MACY’S

Washington, DC February 12, 2017
“If I were Nordstrom I’d look at what happened to Macy’s after they dropped my clothing line. Their stock tanked. The CEO is out and I hear the chain is up for sale. Basically it was a healthy prosperous retailer and now resembles a damaged ship listing to port. Just saying.” ~~slater.com©