TRUMP PURPORTEDLY PLANNING PURGE OF PENCE

Washington DC March 16, 2018
“He’s not immune. VP’s can be canned by the P, and that’s me. Officially I’m not allowed to actually fire him because supposedly he is an elected official. Whatever. I think it is still possible to get my friends in Congress to help me move him out. It can be done. Am I just trying to make sure he stays on his toes? Maybe. But I’m also known for not liking people who think they have a clean reputation. He just seems to be staying on the sidelines waiting for something to implode and then take the reins. Guess what, if he is removed prior to my impeachment, I can appoint someone more to my liking. Someone who I can communicate with while I am in exile planning a Trump-like triumphant return. I tell all my people, nobody is safe, stay on your toes, make me look good, don’t hog the spotlight, don’t think you are better than me in any way and most of all – keep your bags packed”. ~~slater.com©

TRUMP TWITTERS TOODALOO TO TILLERSON

Washington DC March 13, 2018
“Told Tillerson to take time to travel throughout Texas. Didn’t have time to meet with him in person. I would have liked to point at him and do the whole bit but I am the President. Gotta stay on schedule. Anyway he’s out along with a few other people. I’m just fine tuning this machine. We’re almost there. When I saw the ratings on the Bachelor, I knew I would have to make some dramatic moves.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP TELLS EVERYONE TO CHILL OVER TRADE WAR

Washington, DC March 7, 2018
“Look rubes, just relax. You’re focusing too much on what I say. There is no connection between the words that exit my mouth and any actions that I might or might not take. I’m a micro-visionary. My world is what is happening right now. I give no thought to the future. None at all. So if you hear me say something about tariffs or anything else, it is only that moment I am referring to. Not the future. When we get to the future I’ll have more to say.” ~~slater.com©

TEACHER SAYS BRING ON THE GUNS

Washington, DC February 23, 2018
“We will carry in the classroom, but not concealed. Let’s get double duty out of these firearms. We think that it’s way past time for teachers in this country to get the respect they deserve from students. And with my cherished nickel-plated magnum sidearm neatly holstered in plain view, I think we’ll finally get it”. ~~slater.com©

OPRAH’S STUNNING ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT TRUMP TWEETS

Los Angeles, CA February 20, 2018
“It’s not him! Trump is not writing those tweets. I refused to believe that our leader would stoop so low and act like a petulant child. So I hired a psychological profiling firm to examine and analyze all the tweets that purportedly were written by my old friend Donald. The results are in. The profilers indicated that there is a 99% probability the the tweets were written by an 11 year old child, probably a girl. They said the catty juvenile language and immature word choices coupled with the childishly rebellious nature of the tweets helped them to make their determination. So friends, relax. The leader of our country is not an 11 year old girl. However, the author of the tweets apparently is.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP ORDERS MASSIVE MILITARY PARADE IN DC

Washington DC February 7, 2018
“I will show the world who can roll tanks down a street the best. The best, us. More tanks, more flags, more guns, more ammo, more cammo, you can’t keep up world, you won’t keep up with me militarily. I may not have been in the armed forces but nobody loves him a pageant more than I do. And I don’t see any reason to exclude the ladies from this show of force. They’re strong and tough, our girls. Yes they are. I’ve asked Ivanka to lead the parade dressed similarly to the statue of liberty but holding a gatling gun instead of a torch. Beautiful. Sorry, she’s taken boys. And there’ll be guns, oh lots of guns. I’ll be in my reviewing stand, looking down on the troops. I will work closely with the Pentagon for weeks if necessary to make sure the color combinations accentuate the DC light just right from every angle. Details, that’s what I’m known for, studying the little things and making sure I get everything just right. And I can’t think of anything more important to me right now than a big parade in honor of my first year in charge.” ~~slater.com©

JEFF BEZOS SAYS $100 BILLION ISN’T AS MUCH AS YOU THINK

Seattle, WA January 22, 2018
“People think I have all kinds of money now but the truth is I really don’t. First, unless I sell my Amazon stock I don’t actually get any money because we don’t even pay a dividend. Zero. Then when I do sell a little stock, most of that money goes to my rocket company Blue Origin. Plus my accountant says that after I pay excise tax, property tax, millionaire tax, customs tax, border tax, state tax, federal tax, sales tax, withholding, Social security, medical insurance, FICO, LICO, BICO, FOFO and LIFO there’s not much left. Plus he said that I need to pay for undercoating, rustproofing, dealer holdback and mandated insurance with a 125 billion dollar umbrella. I don’t really think I’ll be able to slow down and take a breath until I have about 10 times my current net worth or 1 trillion dollars. Of course with inflation, I’m not sure that’d even be enough.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP DENIES REPORTED HARSH COMMENTS

Washington, DC January 14, 2018
“So no, I didn’t exactly say what was reported in the fake news. I wouldn’t say such things and they know it. I have many friends and maybe even some relatives from those places, check into it and you’ll see. I was mostly concerned with Kenya because of the fraud and cover-up of Obamas birthplace. That’s what should be investigated, not me. How come he can pretend to be from here when everyone knows he was born over there? If there’s an Africa story to be reported it starts in Kenya with Obamas Brother and Aunt. And I heard that people involved in the Public Warning texting incident yesterday in Hawaii may very well have been Obama appointees or had some kind of connection to him. Coincidence?” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP TELLS DACA KIDS TO STAY TUNED

Washington, DC January 11, 2018
“I may just find a way to keep these beautiful kids here in the US. I might. I just might. Of course my base wants them to go. So it’s really a quandary. But not for me. I stay either way. They go. They stay. It’s really up in the air right now, isn’t it? Looks like this’ll be real good for the ratings especially when children are being evicted from the only home they’ve ever known. I couldn’t have asked my writers for a more suspenseful script. What will I do? Who’ll stay and who’ll go? This episode is going to kill it during sweeps week. You’ll just have to sit on the edge of your seats biting your nails until I decide.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP TELLS FEINSTEIN KEEP SENSITIVE INFORMATION PRIVATE

Washington, DC January 10, 2018
“I just think it was unprofessional of Senator Feinstein to release private information. If you are going to be in government, you’ve got to know when to keep your mouth shut. I always say loose lips sink ships.” ~~slater.com©