OBAMA DENIES BUGGING TRUMP

Washington, DC March 5, 2017
“I didn’t need to bug him. He can barely contain a single thought that enters his mind. He tweets more than Sasha and Malia combined. It’s like a Jr. High School girl with her first phone. Wire tap him? He bares his innermost soul to the world almost every single day. He says the embarrassing, shocking, hurtful thoughts that most adults have the good sense and self control to replace with common courtesy in polite society. Bug him? I’d rather play Barry Manilow albums backwards to see if there were any hidden messages. It would be more entertaining and productive. If I wanted to know what candidate Trump was saying about any topic, I could’ve turned on any channel at any time. The media he whines incessantly about propped him up into the premier cover girl with 2-3 billion dollars worth of free coverage during the campaign. More info on him? I think I’ve heard enough.” ~~slater.com©

MEDIA CALLS TRUMP FAKE PRESIDENT

Washington, DC February 24, 2017
“We think that Donald Trump is a fake President. We have a series of reliable sources that say he is totally fake with a capital F. Fake like nobody’s business. Faux like the fake facades on his buildings. Glittery like a fake glass ring. Phony like fools gold. If Judges are so-called fake judges and the media only reports fake made-up stories then the leader of this sad rusting hulk adrift at sea must also be fake. President in name only like the shiny gold signs he rents to hotels, apartments and casinos. Not really a Trump property, just says Trump on the door to draw people in.”

In response, President Trump said, “The fake media is at it again. I’m not fake they are. That’s what they are but what am I? Not fake, I can tell you that. I’m the real deal. You don’t get more down to earth real than me. I’m the realist realist you’re gonna find. So the story they just printed about me being fake was fake. That means that two fakes make a real. So if they’re completely fake and their stories are fake, then the story about me being fake wasn’t real and I’m real which like I so totally already knew without their help.”. ~~slater.com©

HILLARY SAYS TO FRY FLYNN

February 15, 2017 Chappaqua, NY
“He wanted to lock me up for calling the Geek Squad at Best Buy to install my home server. Last time I checked the penalty for Treason is death. Did he maintain a non-secure communications device while at the Pentagon against the strict code? Did he communicate American secrets to foreign officials including Russia? What did the President know and when did he know it? Were they chanting lock her up during these purported criminal activities? Reminds me of the same plot used on old TV shows where the criminals call in a fake crime spree to the cops and then pull off their own heist. Distraction? Diversion? Or just plain clown car antics? Seems as if my investigation-loving Republican friends aren’t really in the mood to find out. Stay in your shells boys. If you come out, we may just have a few questions for you.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP TELLS NORDSTROM TO REMEMBER MACY’S

Washington, DC February 12, 2017
“If I were Nordstrom I’d look at what happened to Macy’s after they dropped my clothing line. Their stock tanked. The CEO is out and I hear the chain is up for sale. Basically it was a healthy prosperous retailer and now resembles a damaged ship listing to port. Just saying.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP QUESTIONS VALUE OF SO-CALLED JUDGES

Washington, DC February 5, 2017
“I knew the media had it in for me. That I knew. But now the so-called judges. Who died and left them boss? Look, the President is the most powerful figure in the country. That’s me and what I say goes. Maybe under a Democratic regime the judges are a big part of the puzzle but I rule and make rulings and I don’t need to double check with anyone else. That’s the reason you become President. I mean that’s basically the whole shebang. I’m the Leader and I lead, judges and everyone else follows. Or else it’s anarchy. Chaos. And chaos is no way to run a country. Not while I’m in charge anyway”. ~~slater.com©

TRUMP GIVES IRAN NOTICE

Washington, DC February 1, 2017
“I told them in no uncertain terms, we know what you’ve done. We know what you’re doing and more important than that – we know what we’re doing. What you need to think about is if you know what we know about what you are up to. If so, what do you think we will do about it? What action would you take if you knew what we know? Do you think we don’t know what to do? We know. Believe me. There are about 1/2 a million Iranian Americans today in America. They are doing fabulously well as a group. Amongst the best of any group. They are treated well and contribute to American society. How many Americans or any group for that matter are desperately trying to get into Iran and apply for citizenship? That’s what I thought. Why don’t you fix your society first before wreaking havoc on the rest of the world. I thought it was funny when you got so upset that Iranians couldn’t travel to the United States for a few months. If we’re so bad, why would you want your people coming here anyway. You should’ve thanked us.” ~slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS INAUGURATION WAY BIGGER THAN MEDIA SHOWED

Washington, DC January 24, 2017
“Leave it to the fake media to air brush the people out of the video of my inauguration. There were easily millions of people on the National Mall to see me ascend to the Presidency. Easily. Why insignificant crowd counts are so important to the fake media, I can’t tell you. But I’ll remain focused on jobs, jobs and more jobs. I won’t stop until people say we have too many jobs and not enough people to fill them. Even then, just try to stop me. But there were record breaking crowds out on the great lawn that day. It was beautiful. So many people, I can’t thank you enough. Really. When Obama was inaugurated most of the crowd consisted of illegal aliens anyway. If you take away the illegals from the vote, I easily win the popular vote and my mall crowd would look way bigger than Obamas. But it just doesn’t matter to me. It’s just media hype. When will they quit and get back to work on what real Americans care about? Like I do.” ~slater.com©

TRUMP BANISHES PRESS TO DISTANT AUDITORIUM

New York, NY January 16, 2017
“I really didn’t want to do it. The press is very important to me. Very important. But the space constraints in the White House briefing room have become intolerable. We cannot treat our cherished guardians of the freedom of the press to such horrendously cramped and outdated facilities. Therefore I have instructed my staff to begin to design a much larger space somewhere on the White House grounds. This new space will hold ten times more press than that tiny old location. More press, not less and more is better, I think you’ll agree. While they will no longer be in the very same building as me when I am sworn in on Friday, I can assure you that I will grant them access to me and my staff as needed, you can count on that. Some of you may know that President Nixon covered up the White House pool which is located directly beneath the current Press Briefing Room. I will remove the floor of the press room and restore the pool to it’s original splendor. Additionally, this is not like the old days, I’d strongly advise the press to refocus its considerable energies on my burgeoning twitter feed where anything they may wish to know is prominently displayed for all to see”. ~slater.com©

REPUBLICANS DECLARE ETHICS IMPEDIMENT TO PROGRESS

Washington, DC January 4, 2017
“We think this things gotten way overblown. We didn’t mean to reduce ethics examinations and investigations in any way. We just wanted to y’know get things done for the American people. We weren’t going to pork barrel or otherwise line anyones pocket. It was just to streamline the process. To move forward. But any suggestion that we were trying to cover up any past or future wrongdoing is silly. Just ridiculous. We didn’t get elected by such a wide majority because we hid things. Now that we have both houses, the Supreme Court, Federal Judgeships and the Presidency it just seemed foolish to cow tow to committees and organizations made up of who knows who. We must make sure that old “absolute power corrupts absolutely” remains just a quote not reality. To do that we wanted to close as many needless power hungry organizations as we could. It was just coincidental that we started with the Independent Ethics Committee. We’ll leave it operable for now, but we are ethically obligated to advise you that we may revisit the vote in the future should the need arise”. ~~slater.com©

APPLE AGREES TO LICENSE ANDROID FOR IPHONE

Cupertino, Ca. December 27, 2016
In a surprise move today, Apple announced that they would begin to license Alphabets’s Android operating system for the iPhone. Tim Cook introduced the new iPhone with dual ios and android operating systems at a press conference outside the new Apple headquarters. “It really makes sense to do this right now. We offer the windows operating system on our macs, so we are always in a co-opetition mode with our frenemies. It was really only a matter of time so we thought we’d like to go into 2017 with the wind at our back. Now on your iPhone you can opt to utilize the superior features of either system. At this point only the iPhone can run everything. Download any app to the iPhone even if development has only been completed in one operating system. Simple, easy, embracing change and inclusive. It’s pure Apple and only from us”. ~slater.com©