Tag Archives: Democrat

AMERICANS BRACING FOR THE FIRST HALLOWEEN WHERE BOTH PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES ARE NOW SCARIER THAN ANY MASK

Washington, DC October 30, 2015
“I wouldn’t let my kids watch the debates. They were cartoonishly uncivilized” said Melody from Tampa. “My kids asked me if the people on TV are actors working for Saturday Night Live. I’m voting for one of them, but either choice is too embarrassing to mention.” said Joe from Bismarck. “We have hundreds of millions of people, many ethical, trustworthy and bright and these two are what we have to pick from in 9 days?” said Fran from Milwaukee. I told my son it’s very important to vote, but I can’t tell him which one I’m voting for as they both have breeched the ethical divide so often, it would give him a bad impression of separating wrong from right.” said Tommy from Jasper. “I’m glad human lifespans are so short. Just 50 or 60 New Years parties from now, a huge number of everyone alive today will be gone. Hopefully future generations will act responsibly and put forth qualified candidates for Leader of the Free World.” said George from Troy. —slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS I WON DEBATE AND MY MIKE WAS BROKEN

New York, NY September 27, 2016
“I won. I always win. Nothing new. Winners win. This debate was no different. Even with a bad mike, there really is no debate about it. Just about everyone on the internet says I’m the most interesting, exciting personality around. All the media is infatuated with me. I’m afraid to be alone with them. They give me the creeps, they’re so in love with everything I say and everything I do. Besides, I’m making them too much money by boosting their ratings through the roof. I can play them like a fiddle anyway. I can call a press conference, stop by a show or just call anyone at anytime and command attention. That’s leadership. Y’know leadership is not always doing something or having a plan. Sometimes it’s just leading. Leadership, don’t under rate it. I have it and I use it. No one else does, so follow me or I’ll remove you. Not like Hitler. I don’t want to kill anyone, but if you disagree with me like Hillary does, then you disagree with America and you need to leave. I don’t care where you go, just get out. Not just illegals, but Rosie O’Donnell and everyone else that is anti-me.” —slater.com©

BERNIE SAYS HE’S TAKING THE GLOVES OFF

New York, NY April 14, 2016
“I’m not gonna let them steal this election from the people without a fight! This country belongs to the people of the United States. All the people of the United States. Not just the millionaires and billionaires. Hillary wants a war. She got it! So one of the speakers at my rally in Washington Square Park last night made a comment that she took personally. It was about what you call someone who sells themselves for money. Hey guess what Hillary? What do you think would be appropriate to call someone who does just that? Yeah, maybe a slightly nicer word but the meaning is the same. You give speeches to Verizon, Goldman Sachs you name it. These speeches are really bribes for future favors. What? How dare you call speeches bribes, right? Look, what kind of an ego do you need to really believe that companies and countries really want to hear what you have to say to the tune of millions of dollars. They, as you know, are just trying to curry favor with you now and in the future. You’re looking for their backing and they’re looking for you to promote their agenda or at least not stop their progress. Oh don’t worry Hill dear, I wasn’t intimating that it’s just you. Do you really believe that Japan needed to give Ronald Reagan millions of dollars after he left office to hear him restate what he freely spoke of when in office. Hillary this is your establishments way of accepting dignified bribes. You and the Republicans aren’t fooling anyone. This is boldfaced lobbying and outright influence peddling. In the third world bribes are handed off in satchels full of cash. In your straight-laced above-board inner circle these payments are thoroughly washed by fronting them with business and speaking opportunities. It’s nothing more than a storefront for the political elite of both parties. Hey guess what Hill? The cat’s out of the bag. You are exposed. OK, you may wind up being President but the curtain is gonna be pulled back by me now and after the election as well. And please don’t let one of the unfortunate situations happen to me that seem to follow people on your enemies list. My thunderous youthful minions will run towards your White House with torches ablaze if you try it. Hey, here’s an idea. Why not work with us instead of falling back into your old ways? End on a high note for a change. Be authentic. Be real. Don’t be the eternal chameleon. Try reaching down into your own soul and finding your true self. You may just like what’s there. You probably haven’t seen it in a while. Get re-introduced. Either way though, I’m not going away. You’re gonna need to deal with me now and in the future. You will invite me to the White House for progressive talks. I’ll make it easy for you to recognize me when I get there. I’ll be the same person I’ve been for the last 50 years. Saying the same things. Authentically me. And I’ll be wearing the same suit and tie as well”. —slater.com©

HILLARY TRIES TO STEAL BERNIES FORMULA FOR COOL

New York, NY April 10, 2016
“We didn’t do it. Of all the things I’ve been accused of over all these years in politics, this takes the cake. We’re not trying to steal or emulate Bernies cool factor. Whatever he’s doing or saying that gives him the youth mojo is beyond me but I’ve just got to be whatever I am and I’m certainly not trying to act like anyone else. Look I know that Bernie is the it girl right now but I’ve got gravitas. Gravitas is what a President needs and experience of course and I have a boat load of both of these key ingredients. You want the kids waving signs and demanding free college, call him. You want a President with decades of real on-the-ground experience with leaders of all stripes from around the world, I’m your man – so to speak. OK I get it, kids are altruistic, hopeful, energetic and moral. I remember the feeling. But once you see how the sausage gets made, you become a little more of a realist, trust me. Watching what goes into the political meat grinder isn’t pretty but a good recipe can yield a great tasting meal no matter what it looks like going in. You want someone from the green hills of Vermont belting out a tune from the Sound of Music or a time-tested hardcore DC political dynamo like me? You want hopes and dreams and free stuff from your beloved Bern or a well-seasoned slightly jaded realist who can operate the levers of power in the nations capital? You know I could become a little more unkempt. Let my hair blow in the wind. Wear the same clothes day after day. Be defiant. Act all holier than thou and self righteous. But I need to project potential Presidentiality. I won’t go out and speak to an audience looking like I just woke up. I won’t do it. There’s a difference between a little casual Friday and a disrespectful demeanor. I’d like to think that I can be informal at the appropriate times but by and large this election is about who will lead the free world for four or possibly eight years. I will not forgo the dignity of my hotel room just to pitch a tent and unroll my sleeping bag in Central Park like Bernie is. I won’t sleep in the dirt just to super-pander to the Birkenstock beach club. Of course I do recognize that I am walking a fine line here as I will ultimately need Bernies kids to vote for me. So I need to somehow keep my chin up while he defeats me in state after state. The party presciently put super-delegates in place decades ago to avoid a brief but powerful swell of unwanted populism. This means I have already all but won the nomination. But I need to keep up the image of a struggle to give a kind of psudo-credit to Bernie and his groupies. It’s like walking on a silk tightrope. I kinda already won but my opponent semi-controls a big part of the audience I’ll need for my ultimate Presidential victory. So I can scold him and send him to his room but not too harshly. I can ground him but not the night of a good concert. But I can’t afford to push him too far away from me. That’s because after I’m declared the Democratic nominee, we’ll kill the fatted calf and welcome our wayward son home to the party with open arms”. —slater.com©

CHRIS CHRISTIE SAYS AS VP HE’LL BE ABLE TO CURB TRUMP

Trenton, NJ February 28, 2016
Chris Christie restated his formal endorsement in Texas for businessman and Republican Presidential hopeful Donald Trump. “Look, I’m a straight talker you know that. Yeah I think I’d make a better President than Donald. Everyone running thinks they’re the best so what’s new. The reality is you’ve also got to be a realist. My main concern is that I have offended the people of New Jersey by signing up to be their Governor and then went and tried to get another job in a very public way. Of course they’re angry. It’s just human nature. I’d want the guy I hired to be at work and to get things done. And yeah we’re accomplishing stuff but let’s be real, probably not as much as if I was exclusively focused on being Governor of New Jersey. So with the residents of my state agitated and my Presidential ambitions currently suspended, I took a breath and realized that Vice President of the United States doesn’t sound too bad. Now understand this, Donald did not make any concrete promises, but I think we’re simpatico on many issues and quite frankly we’d make a great team. I’m a loyal guy and Donald respects loyalists. And the thing is whether or not you believe he can get done the things he has promised to do, his track record in terms of completing promised projects is pretty good. When I saw him initially adopting the same Make America Great Again slogan as Hitler used, it did kind of offend me, but hey I’m from New Jersey and if there’s one thing we know here it’s keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” —slater©

KEVIN MCCARTHY SAYS ITS JUST A BIG MISSUNDERSTANDING

Washington, DC October 1, 2015
Today Kevin McCarthy responded to the firestorm of criticism hurled in his direction by Democratic leaders. “It was all just a silly missunderstanding”, McCarthy said. “I didn’t even really say what they said I said”. McCarthy was shown the Sean Hannity interview tape and asked to respond. “Could it be that the media would have liked me to admit such things and that the video which could very well have been altered just happened to fall into Democratic hands? Is it possible that during a private conversation with my good friend Sean, things were taken out of context? Perhaps once again just when the Clintons needed a patsy to take attention from their most recent charges, they targeted me the presumptive next Speaker of the House? Did you consider any of those explanations?” McCarthy was asked if he is suggesting that the tape was a fake and that the interview on Hannity did not happen. “I speak with my friend Sean all of the time. I cannot be expected to remember each word of every sentence we discuss. Did we ever speak of Hillary? Yes. Is she my favorite person and my best girl? No. But read between the lines and let’s face facts. What I say in a moment of transparent honesty should not be held to the same standard as you might with say, inside the beltway political gibberish. Look there’s a game here and there are rules. If I need to stop speaking my mind on Fox, where can I get things off my chest? Where can I speak freely? What about article 19 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights? May I remind you that in 1689 England’s Bill of Rights legally established the constitutional right of Freedom of Speech in Parliament which is still in effect?” But Mr. McCarthy even with all of that taken into consideration, you are being formally accused by the Democrats of spending almost 5 million dollars on a partisan witch hunt. The accusation states that you intentionally used the murder of brave Americans as a tool to reduce the stature of the Secretary of State of the United States of America thereby insulting their memories and their families not to mention helping the terrorists to acheive their goal of splintering US citizens and leaders into factions under their well known divide and conquer strategy. What say you? “I will not take these baseless spurious hollow charges lying down. I will rise up and seek the truth wherever it may take me and back I might add. Say what you will about me if you must but I am proud to be an American and I always will be”. Sir, I’m not sure that your response even touched on my question, I mean even in the slightest way. Could you drill it down a little for me? “Sure son, look I didn’t bring this on the Clintons. The Clintons did. I can’t be blamed for their misdeeds now can I? Remember a stitch in time saves nine.” I don’t know what you’re talking about congressman McCarthy, can I get you a glass of water and would you like to sit down for a moment? “Son, in these perilous times of war we find ourselves in one must reach back and locate the inner strength to go on. After I am elected Speaker I’ll call you in for an in-depth interview where we can lay it all out clear as day for everyone to see. How’s that sound to you kid?” Thank you for the opportunity to speak with you in the future but could you give me anything on the Benghazi investigation that you spoke of with Sean Hannity where you seemed to indicate that the main purpose of the investigation was to harm Hillary Clintons chances at becoming the next President? “Sure here’s your take-away son, Edgar Bergen once told me, Charlie he said, that’s what he called me, he said Charlie just keep your mouth open a little and as if by magic the right words will come out one at a time. So far they always have”. —slater.com©

HILLARY VOWS TO STOP USING EMAIL AS PRESIDENT

Washington DC, September 27, 2015
Today Hillary Clinton vowed to never again utilize her private email account as a candidate. She further stated, “I will also commit today to never using my government account if elected President at anytime.” Hillary was asked how she would promote efficient communications with colleages and staff under those conditions. She responded, “I will go totally old-school and use in-person meetings, phone calls and scribbled messages which I may remind you has served this country well for over 200 years – except the phone calls, but you know what I mean.” Hillary was asked why she always seems to be embroiled in one scandal or another over many decades. She responded, “You just want me to say its a vast right-wing conspiracy that keeps following me around. But I won’t fall into that trap. I assume that the Republicans just run their strategy from a stale playbook. After all, they did the same thing when my husband ran and he was elected and re-elected. Now they’re doing it again and we’ll see what happens. I expect Ben Gazi to re-emerge as well. Y’know my friends stationed there were killed and if I’d of been able to stop it or help in any way I would have. Instead of supporting me and the families of the fallen they choose to use these American deaths as a Republican rally cry. The rally cry when we are attacked should be all of us Americans gathered together to fight the opposition as one. The Republicans are simply and naively playing into the hands of these murderers when they use this tragedy as a partisan wedge.” So you feel that all the allegations hurled your way are completely false? Clinton said, “I didn’t say that. I shouldn’t have used any email account other than my government account for government-related business. Then I still could have used my personal server for wedding, yoga and other day to day business. But it wouldn’t really matter much if I had. Like John Kerry’s swift boating, they don’t really need a valid issue to promote, they just need 100 million dollars or so to advertise it. If the marketing budget is large enough, the product tends to sell.” —slater.com©

Hillary caught making anonymous donation to Trump campaign

New York, NY July 21, 2015
Sources revealed today that Hillary Clinton through an anonymous proxy made a $50,000 donation to the Trump for President campaign. Caught while arriving outside her Brooklyn campaign office today Clinton was asked why she funded the large donation to the Republican hopeful. She responded, “I was offended by Donalds race related language recently and I wanted to return donations that he had made to me in the past.” Couldn’t you have simply donated them to charity as other candidates did rather than propping up his campaign by funding his run for the White House? “I felt that it was best just to give the money back”. But you didn’t give the money back to him, you donated it to his campaign and anonymously I might add. “I guess it wasn’t so anonymous if we’re standing here today discussing it, right?” Well our investigative journalism produced these results, not any disclosure on your part. It seems to the press that you may actually like how Mr. Trump is shaking up the field. “I don’t really have an opinion on Republican candidates as I am totally focused on my own campaign right now”. Why did you hide the $50,000 through a proxy donation? “I don’t have time to personally handle every detail of running this office. Much of it is delegated through best practices management. The key is that we returned the money to Mr. Trump and he can use it as he sees fit”. Isn’t it true that you relish the disruption that Trump is wreaking on his Republican party? “I’m trying to be the first Woman to hold the highest office in the land. To do that I need to remain focused on the challenges of regular American folks, not multi-billionaire moguls”. But you do follow your competition on the Republican side of the aisle, don’t you? “There is a portion of the day that is allocated to staying in touch with an overview of the current participants in the race from all parties if that’s what you mean”. But your donation props up the main force of disruption in your competitors party, you must get some kind of enjoyment from that? “I don’t want to inspire anything other than good things for all Americans and all people of the world for that matter.” How do you think you’d fare against Mr. Trump in the general election? “I’d like to think we’d do well whoever they select as their nominee. Every voice counts you know”. C’mon Madam Secretary, First Lady, Senator Clinton, you want Trump to keep the lead and make a virtual shambles out of the Republican opposition while you keep your head down and let them implode on themselves? “No, I want a fair and even playing field with a vigorous debate of the current challenges we all face. I am looking forward to a deep and detailed debate with Mr. Trump on all the issues I’ve been a part of and have been studying during my time in government over the last 20 years or so. I’m sure that Donald has many things to say on all the pertinent issues of our time that we haven’t yet heard and he should be given every opportunity to express himself on these issues on as large a stage as is possible”. —-slater.com©