Tag Archives: Democratic nomination

AMERICANS BRACING FOR THE FIRST HALLOWEEN WHERE BOTH PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES ARE NOW SCARIER THAN ANY MASK

Washington, DC October 30, 2015
“I wouldn’t let my kids watch the debates. They were cartoonishly uncivilized” said Melody from Tampa. “My kids asked me if the people on TV are actors working for Saturday Night Live. I’m voting for one of them, but either choice is too embarrassing to mention.” said Joe from Bismarck. “We have hundreds of millions of people, many ethical, trustworthy and bright and these two are what we have to pick from in 9 days?” said Fran from Milwaukee. I told my son it’s very important to vote, but I can’t tell him which one I’m voting for as they both have breeched the ethical divide so often, it would give him a bad impression of separating wrong from right.” said Tommy from Jasper. “I’m glad human lifespans are so short. Just 50 or 60 New Years parties from now, a huge number of everyone alive today will be gone. Hopefully future generations will act responsibly and put forth qualified candidates for Leader of the Free World.” said George from Troy. —slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS I’M STAYING ALL IN

New York, NY October 9, 2016
“I’m not sure if the tape was doctored or what, but I don’t exactly remember saying all of that. I might have had a minor type of similar conversation with Billy Bush, but it was so long ago maybe the Clintons fixed up the tape to make me look bad, I really don’t know. What I do know is that Bill Cosby is on trial here not me, right? So if the evidence were so strong that something illegal happened, then why aren’t I in jail? Think about it. He’s out roaming the streets with his medication doing who knows what while the media focus’s on me. Is it Bill Cosby or Bill Clinton? I don’t know. What I do know is that some women are very hot. Should I keep that a secret? I don’t think so. Besides, get over yourselves. I’ve said and done a lot worse before this came out that everybody already knows about. Why this? Why now? Media bias, right? Just wear your red hats and vote for me and let my private conversations stay private. After all, what about the 1st and 2nd amendments? Think about that. Do we need more amendments to protect my right to speak with a member of the Bush family in a private bus, just us two? Can you get a little privacy here in the states? I’m not sure anymore, right? It seems a little coincidental that a relative of Jeb’s is trying to bring me down with a little tape. Bushes in the White House. Bushes in the media. What’s up with that? Seems a little fishy to me. Y’know Snowden’s in Russia where he can speak freely about stuff. Ironic right? Hillary blasts my friend Vladimir but he lets an American speak his mind. What about my rights? Do I have to go to Russia to say what I feel? I hope not. I hope that America is still a place I can call home. Women are driving this issue. I don’t have a problem with them. They have a problem with me. I’m an open book. What are they thinking? I don’t want their votes anyway. They can stay home for all I care. If they don’t like that kind of talk, vote for someone else. I’ve got to be me. I’ve got to be free to express myself. You finally have a chance to vote for a President that revealed the skeletons in his closet before election day, not after. I’m not dropping out. I’m not a quitter. Don’t miss your chance to bring some reality to DC.” —slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS I WON DEBATE AND MY MIKE WAS BROKEN

New York, NY September 27, 2016
“I won. I always win. Nothing new. Winners win. This debate was no different. Even with a bad mike, there really is no debate about it. Just about everyone on the internet says I’m the most interesting, exciting personality around. All the media is infatuated with me. I’m afraid to be alone with them. They give me the creeps, they’re so in love with everything I say and everything I do. Besides, I’m making them too much money by boosting their ratings through the roof. I can play them like a fiddle anyway. I can call a press conference, stop by a show or just call anyone at anytime and command attention. That’s leadership. Y’know leadership is not always doing something or having a plan. Sometimes it’s just leading. Leadership, don’t under rate it. I have it and I use it. No one else does, so follow me or I’ll remove you. Not like Hitler. I don’t want to kill anyone, but if you disagree with me like Hillary does, then you disagree with America and you need to leave. I don’t care where you go, just get out. Not just illegals, but Rosie O’Donnell and everyone else that is anti-me.” —slater.com©

TRUMP DENIES SCATTERSHOT APPROACH

Detroit, MI September 4, 2016
“No, I have been and will remain totally focused. Being me doesn’t mean being anyone else. It means that I will project my insides outward for an aura of total honesty and trustworthiness. I completely deny that I want to be everything to everyone. Although as a salesman it is tempting to satisfy your audience and make the sale. I have been known to close a deal or two and then revert to my original plan. But let me tell you this, if my original plan was good then who cares. I mean what has anybody got to lose anyway? I’m me and I can get it done. You know it and I know it. Getting it done overrides following any game plan that may have been created by something that I might have said. Remember, I said it – so who would know what I meant better than me? And if I change my mind? Do you believe that only a lady can do that? That’s sexism. Rampant sexism and I won’t stand for it. Look however it turns out, don’t rely on some dopey speech I may have given or some plan you read about. Instead look for me to move the ball down the field and score the goal. Stop nitpicking about me saying one thing to one group and something else to another. In the end, if you elect me, you already know that I’ll do whatever I want whenever I want to. It’s less about a scattershot approach and more about winning. The ends justify the means, right? If you agree with me, vote for me and then let me worry about it.” —slater.com©

TRUMP NOW SAYS THEY CAN STAY

New York, NY August 25, 2016
“I never said I was going to round them up and toss them out. Of course they can stay. We’ve got plenty of room here. All are welcome. What I did say was the bad ones will most probably need to think about leaving. Maybe not right away, but at some point. Remember these people are robbers and rapists and such. But not all of them. Some I suppose are nice people. People who need people. We’re good people and we like other good people. People are people so take care of your brother, people. Now some people say I’m flip-flopping, but as usual they are dead wrong. I’m not a squishy do-nothing kowtower like career politicians. I’m a do something get it done expert. Get ’em out of here I say and I don’t give a rats you know what whether or not they have a job or a family. Just get ’em the heck out of our country. We’re taking it back and quickly, believe me. I don’t need no one to make this happen. I’m known for getting things done. I don’t need any foreigners to muck up the works. That’s why I like the blacks. They can stay. They were here before my family so they can stay. But the line in the sand will be the date my grandfather came to America. Everyone who was here before him can stay, everyone else must be out by sundown March 30, 2017. I’ll give ’em 90 days from my coronation in January 2017. I don’t need Obama handing me the keys that day. He can high-tail it out of town with the rest of ’em. I’m changing the locks anyway. Get ready people, we’re gonna need to put our nose to the grindstone. Without the illegals to do the dirty work, somebody’s gonna need to step up. I’d do it of course. I’m known for my hard work in the field. I’m the blue collar billionaire so I’ve got my pick-up and my 6 pack and my coleman and I’m out on the lake or deep in the woods on the weekends let me tell you boy. Yep, I’m wearin a red kerchief around my neck and a whoopin and a hollerin my way down the trail every chance I get. But as your President I’m not gonna be able to be out there with you, but the works gotta get done, right? So after we get these foreigners out a here you guys will need to pick up the slack. But at least they’ll be gone and we’ll have our country back. It’s been a long road lettin ’em in here to stomp all over our laws and our constitution. But the jig is up. Goodbye illegals. Now a lot of ’em can stay though. I mean don’t get all riled up if you got a family, I think we can probably work with you. If you have a job or a business maybe you can pay us some dinero to you know grease the skids. Look I know how to negotiate these deals and I’ll have the final say on who stays or goes. We’ll work something out. But this is rock solid, no changes – write it in the book cause it’s good as done, period. My word is my bond. Remember even if you leave whether we toss you out or you go voluntarily, there will be a path back. I mean it’s my hope that some will stay and some will leave and all will re-unite back in the USA at the appropriate time for a celebration of unity no matter where you were born or what you believe. All men were created equal and as President I’ll make sure that no man, woman or child is more equal then any other unless there are some sort of special circumstances.” —slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS NOT CRAZY

Ashburn, VA August 2, 2016
“I’m not crazy. She’s the devil, not me. She’s the one you should be looking at for testing. Get the demons out of Hillary, not me. I can control mine. I’m likely the sanest man on the planet. I’m very successful. I have a mansion and a yacht. Is anyone more successful than me? Not really. My head is screwed on straight. I’ve got it together. I’m my own man and build big things all over. People hire my company to consult. Do you usually pay millions of dollars to someone who is unstable? Stability is what I’m paid for. Keeping things on the up and up. On the straight and narrow. In a pigs eye I’m nuts. They’re nuttier than a fruitcake. Get my wallet from my jacket, I’ll show you who’s crazy. Here look do you see a business card from my shrink? See no shrink. I’m probably like the number one sanest person on this continent. Could I lend my name to developers if my name was no good? I beat all comers fair and square like I always do. Hillary should be committed not me. I take some meds to stay level, does she? Maybe the media should focus on Hillary’s stability not mine. I’m fully covered by my health plan and get all the medication I need. Nobody sleeps 4 hours and flies around like me. I’m everywhere. I don’t care if they legalize pot in Colorado or wherever. That’s not my prime concern. I got bigger fish to fry. There are a lot of Republicans that haven’t heard the last of me either. Drugs or no drugs I’ll take a medical test or drug test or whatever. Bring it on. I’m mentally competent. I’m the #1 most mentally competent man in the country. Nobody is more stable, even-tempered and likable than me. People form crowds wherever I go. People like me. I’m likable. Like me or don’t and I’ll return the favor at some point believe me. Get in line but be ready for blowback losers. I don’t let it roll off my back like water off a duck. I keep records. And remember insanity is not a plea or a defense, it’s just a state of mind if you can comprehend my stream of consciousness dynamic earthbound rhetorical diatribes with love and comfort but not the enemy cause that’s Hillary not me and whatever’s got a grip on her from inside get it out.” —slater.com©

CRUZ SAYS TO VOTE FOR HIM ANYWAY

Cleveland, OH July 21, 2016
“Vote your heart for freedom. Hear the bell of the people ringing and pull the lever with my name on it or write me in for the love of country. You know in your heart that only I can espouse and then execute on true conservative principles. Not Donald Trump or his thoughtless minions. It has to be me. I’m still available as a write-in. Use your voting power to send a message to Donald and his followers that we will not move. We will not be shaken. We will not change our positions for the convenience of the moment. Fly the Cruz flag next to the Stars and Stripes proudly. And if somehow I don’t get enough write-in votes to ascend to the Presidency and Hillary is elected then I can always try again in 2020. Remember I’m all about you and the USA not self-centered like the Donald. Vote your conscience fellow citizens.” —slater.com©

TRUMP TELLS RYAN AND REPUBLICAN LEADERS TO SHUT UP

New York, NY June 16,2016
“They better mind their manners. If little Pauly don’t shut his pie hole, I’ll run without them. I’m not sure if it will be the Trump party or some other thing but I’m the leader of the Republicans now and if they don’t heave to I’ll find people who will. Y’know I don’t need a single one of those losers. Today loser McCain is stealing my line about Obama being responsible for the Orlando mess. But it was my idea about Obama. Where was he for the last few years while I was out on the campaign trail informing the ignorant and uneducated masses? Losers. Losers lose, I tell you. Always. They have no right to call themselves Republicans, not even Prince Reibus the so called party head. Please. He’s with me one day and against me the next. That’s not leadership and I can do without him and easily. These guys are an anchor holding me back. Just shut up and let me be me. The workers party needs to get to work and quick. Little Paulie Ryan is spouting his mouth off about separate but equal powers. He doesn’t get it. That’s where the gridlock comes from. He’s part of it. I’m the roto-rooter guy and only I can snake out the lines and flush all the congestion from the system. But they’ve got to get behind me, everything I stand for and everything that I say. We must move as one. For the last time, zip it while I’m outside the beltway because after I move in you pathetic losers will wish you did.” —slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS HIS VICTORY WAS INEVITABLE

New York, NY May 5, 2016
“I am and always will be a winner. I win. And I keep on winning. When you understand the winning mentality completely you begin to grasp what I will do for this country. I will return us to winning status. Like me we will be winners again. Winners who win. And keep on winning. Not winning occasionally or sporadically but winning often and always. Winners win and leaders return their organization, teams and countries,if you will, back to a winning mentality. The US has lost so often for so long we can’t even conceive of what it is like to prevail continually. But I can and I’ll bring that victorious spirit back to America and quickly I might add. Very quickly. I’m not superhuman, I just know how to win. I know the angles. I know the weak points of my opponents. And I know what buttons to press and when. Whether you voted for me or not, know this – You’re about to go for a ride like you’ve never been on before. A ride that leads to triumph after triumph. Victory after victory. Nobody will tread on us and take advantage of our generosity again. We will help people, but we need to rebuild our country first. When your boat is taking on water you don’t throw lifelines to everybody. After all do you want to pull people who are in trouble onto a ship that’s also in distress? No, you repair your ship and then you can reach out to help everyone else. I will repair the SS United States even if it takes more than the currently authorized 2 terms”. —slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS HE WILL RETURN THE STATUE OF LIBERTY TO FRANCE

New York, NY April 23, 2016
“I’ve had it with us accepting the hungry, tired and poor. Let them eat and get some rest where they were born. That statue is like a wretched billboard attracting just the kind of people we could very well do without. You know what I mean. I already know what you’re gonna say. Donald, your parents came from Germany and Scotland and were welcomed with open arms. Yeah, that was then when people of upstanding character came to the US with a debt to repay by working hard, learning to speak English and respecting the integrity of the nations culture. Now it’s a free for all where divergent goups gather together and set up armed war camps here in the US where they hate the very country that takes them in. And they grope onto every free handout program that we set up for the truly disadvantaged causing less resources to be available for those seriously in need and already here. I will admit that the statue is a nice piece of handiwork. It’s really too nice to leave to rust in the harbor. As a token of my gratitude to France and out of brotherly love I will dismantle the statue, pack up the pieces and fund an armed flotilla returning it to the very country that created it for them to do with as they see fit. I will replace the statue with a similarly sized statue bearing the distinct likeness of me, at my own expense of course. This new statue will represent the will of the people overturning the unfair rules of the Republican Party. As long as that statue of me remains standing in that spot everyone will know that an immigrant family can arrive in America virtually penniless and bear a son who can rise to be the richest most powerful man on the planet, GOP notwithstanding. The plaque at the base of the new statue of me will read in part: Bring us your best. We are the greatest country on earth and we are recruiting for the smartest, kindest, most industrious, inventive, healthy, hard working, loyal citizens on the planet. We charge an admission fee of 15% of your earnings – plus all applicable Federal and State taxes – for the first 10 years you are here and if you have been an upstanding individual and are all paid up you can become a citizen as long as you speak fluent English and can pass a brief history test including my life story. I am especially excited to get this copper lady back to France as I honor the original sculptor, Frédéric Auguste Bartholdi by restoring the statue to its rightful homeland. Bartholdi’s true intentions for the metal colossus were to highlight the liberty of the US and inspire France to move away from a repressive monarchy while calling for true Democracy. It is my hope that returning Lady Liberty to France will finally show that her work here in the US is done and that her new assignment must be in her homeland where her light can shine brightly for another 130 years.” —slater.com©