Tag Archives: Donald Trump

TRUMP SAYS HE ISN’T LYING JUST SPITBALLING

Phoenix, AZ August 23, 2017
“I don’t lie and I never have. Was it George Washington or Abraham Lincoln who didn’t chop down the cherry tree? I don’t know. But I know I didn’t do it. I like cherries but you won’t find me lying about them like other Presidents have. Did the media ever lie? I’ll let you figure that out. I tell the truth as I see it. How can you argue with that? You can’t, I always win. Always. No one’s bigger. No one’s badder. I’m the king. I mean I don’t really think I’m the king or anything but I’m the top of the heap, that’s for sure, right? The people at my rallies love me. I’ll keep doing rallies to keep my head on straight. I eat applause and cheering. I can riff for hours about all the past glories. Have I told you the one about beating Hillary? She’s guilty not me, that I can tell you. I got a lot more votes than her if you count the other one’s I’m talking about, believe me. A lot more. I win and I win big. Build the wall.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS HE’LL CREATE JOBS BY ALLOWING EVERYONE IN AMERICA TO WORK AT THE WHITE HOUSE FOR A FEW DAYS

Washington, DC August 18, 2017
“Only I could arrange for my citizens to receive gainful employment experience here in DC. I will hire anyone interested in a temporary position into my administration. Although they may not be around that long, what happens in here will give them food for thought for the rest of their lives. I mean it. They’ll look back fondly at their brief time in the White House and pine for the old days when we could just shoot the breeze in the oval office. Fun times, good times. I’m looking forward to meeting a lot of you here in the Capitol for your on-boarding. To save time we also conduct your exit interview later that same day.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS HE’LL SIGN ANY NEW HEALTHCARE BILL HE FINDS

Washington, DC July 18, 2017
“I’m not kidding, first come first served. Y’know when I build a condo, I don’t wait to see how many other people may want a unit. I sell to whoever walks in the door first with what will soon be my money. When I rent a hotel room my people know that a reservation is really just a suggestion. I say rent ’em if you got ’em. Same with healthcare. One plan is probably as good as the next. Bring me something to sign and I’ll sign it. Bring it out to me on the golf course if you have to. I don’t care. Just bring me a good pen this time. I’m the President and I have a beautiful classic signature. I want to use it as many times as possible. Now I don’t like to get bogged down in the details any more than I like my shots to end up in the rough or the water. It’s congresses job to figure this all out and my job to promote the fact that we did. I need marketing fodder to talk about in order to continue to generate support from the base. The base doesn’t even care if the new plan costs them more money. They just want to thumb their nose at the Dems and the press like me. Good or bad as long as we can claim victory and scream MAGA we’ll be OK. My people think of this as a big football game. They just want their team to win. And just like after the big game, they don’t really get anything for it, just the players and owners do. But they’re OK with that and so am I.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS RUSSIAN ATTORNEY WAS HILLARY IN DISGUISE

Washington DC July 16, 2017
“I knew it. I’ve just been told that facial recognition software will prove that the so-called Russian Government Lawyer was none other than Hillary Clinton in disguise. That explains a lot. My boy was duped by the Clinton gang from Little Rock. Those country bumpkins may have outsmarted us city slickers for now but we’re not done for yet. I’ll back up my little boy Jr. all the way till the end. You can count on that. The Clinton machine may be after him but we’ve got some pull as well. I thought all this was a hoax and part of the fake news conspiracy but it turns out that as usual when you look behind the curtain it’s just little Bill and Hillary up to their old tricks with their Russian friends. So my boy is now in the clear and the Attorney General can refocus the attention of the entire Department of Justice where it belongs. And that’s off of us and squarely on the Clintons.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP TRIES TO TIME TWEETS

Washington, DC June 5, 2017
“When I feel a lull in coverage, I tweet. Ratings matter. I don’t care if my staff or family asks me to keep quiet. The show must go on. Nobody shuts me down. I’m the richest multi-billionaire President there ever was. That didn’t happen by accident. Timing. Timing. Some people wait for life to find them. I go and find life. I can mostly tell when to tweet or write or speak if it looks like everybody wants me to shut up. The more that I’m asked to keep a lid on it, the quicker I try to get my thoughts out to my people. Basically, I’m a contrarian. I do the opposite of the herd. Everyone says I should keep my big mouth shut so that’s my signal to lash out and spout like a harpooned whale. Recently though, I think they have caught on to my method of operating so they are using reverse psychology on me. Or at least they are trying to. Now when they tell me to speak out and tweet, I know that they don’t really want me to because they think I’ll do the opposite. But I’m on to them and I’m tweeting about people, cases before the Supreme Court, policies, intelligence, you name it. They can’t stop me and I won’t let them even try. I have the password to my twitter account and even if they take my phone away or shut it down, I can stop at any store or borrow anyones phone and release a fresh twitter storm at will. My voice which is the voice of my people will get out and be heard because I seem to know just what to say and exactly when to say it.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS NEW NAVAL CLOAKING DEVICE HUGE ADVANTAGE

Washington DC April 20, 2017
“We invented the flip phone, iPads and other technology from Star Trek futuristic props. It should be no surprise that we have adapted Romulan cloaking technology to our large naval vessels. Initially it was easy to cloak small boats and drones. I am told that we used certain proprietary light-reflective surface technology with advanced holographic mirroring techniques that cause both the human eye and radar/sonar to bypass our covered objects as if they were not there. We got some help from David Copperfield as well. Who said there are no patriotic magicians? The breakthrough came when we were able to boost the signal strength and cover larger areas. We not only hide objects that we choose but we replace the space they occupy with other projected images. Using a satellite-mounted laser delivery system we can keep the illusion steady and move it with exact precision through GPS. We can also just show the ocean. It’s really like bypassing a CCTV camera and replacing it with a loop of a clear hallway like you see in so many movies. We just do it in real life and in real time. Just between us, our internal code name is Ghost Ship. I have asked DARPA to begin to adapt this technology to mobile human forms asap. I’d like to move around without my entourage from time to time. Once we get this fine tuned, I could be in Mar-a-lago or on the golf course and you will believe I am in the White House. Gotta keep ’em guessing and off-balance, right? But look, everyone knows the element of surprise works well during military operations. I still get a kick out of thinking about our enemies lookouts with their binoculars saying “alls well”…. while our giant ships are sitting right off their coast”. ~~slater.com©

RUSSIA SAYS NYET

Moscow April 2, 2017
“No, we did not elect or help to elect your President Trump. We have enough to do here in our country. Many ills to fight and many challenges at home. As expert chess players if we wanted to make moves around your manbaby leader it would be how you say piece of cake. We could do it, of course, but it is not in our interest to run your country and ours simultaneously. We need to focus on our energy business and social programs and such. Why don’t you get your health care fixed? Are we interfering? Why don’t you get your roads, bridges, airports, tunnels, trains, electric grids, power plants, air traffic control, dams, cyber platforms and all other infrastructure repaired or upgraded? Is Big Bad Russian wolf stopping you? Why don’t you get your tax system reformed so your country will regain its competitiveness and your companies will stop hiding their profits offshore? How exactly are we preventing that? Why don’t you decide on your immigration policy? Do what you want. Are we hindering your decision-making abilities? We could care less who you choose to let in or keep out. While it is true that both our countries have been engaging in spying activities and disinformation campaigns for all of this century and most of the last, could it be comrades, that your government and press like to spar over inflammatory topics that inspire a nationalist spirit in your country to sell your news and to keep the peoples attention off of the real issues that affect them right now and will affect their children in the future? If so, then your misdirection is working and you can continue to point your finger and weapons at us. But we are not fooled. Not Nyet anyway”. ~~slater.com©

OBAMA DENIES BUGGING TRUMP

Washington, DC March 5, 2017
“I didn’t need to bug him. He can barely contain a single thought that enters his mind. He tweets more than Sasha and Malia combined. It’s like a Jr. High School girl with her first phone. Wire tap him? He bares his innermost soul to the world almost every single day. He says the embarrassing, shocking, hurtful thoughts that most adults have the good sense and self control to replace with common courtesy in polite society. Bug him? I’d rather play Barry Manilow albums backwards to see if there were any hidden messages. It would be more entertaining and productive. If I wanted to know what candidate Trump was saying about any topic, I could’ve turned on any channel at any time. The media he whines incessantly about propped him up into the premier cover girl with 2-3 billion dollars worth of free coverage during the campaign. More info on him? I think I’ve heard enough.” ~~slater.com©

MEDIA CALLS TRUMP FAKE PRESIDENT

Washington, DC February 24, 2017
“We think that Donald Trump is a fake President. We have a series of reliable sources that say he is totally fake with a capital F. Fake like nobody’s business. Faux like the fake facades on his buildings. Glittery like a fake glass ring. Phony like fools gold. If Judges are so-called fake judges and the media only reports fake made-up stories then the leader of this sad rusting hulk adrift at sea must also be fake. President in name only like the shiny gold signs he rents to hotels, apartments and casinos. Not really a Trump property, just says Trump on the door to draw people in.”

In response, President Trump said, “The fake media is at it again. I’m not fake they are. That’s what they are but what am I? Not fake, I can tell you that. I’m the real deal. You don’t get more down to earth real than me. I’m the realist realist you’re gonna find. So the story they just printed about me being fake was fake. That means that two fakes make a real. So if they’re completely fake and their stories are fake, then the story about me being fake wasn’t real and I’m real which like I so totally already knew without their help.”. ~~slater.com©

TRUMP TELLS NORDSTROM TO REMEMBER MACY’S

Washington, DC February 12, 2017
“If I were Nordstrom I’d look at what happened to Macy’s after they dropped my clothing line. Their stock tanked. The CEO is out and I hear the chain is up for sale. Basically it was a healthy prosperous retailer and now resembles a damaged ship listing to port. Just saying.” ~~slater.com©