Tag Archives: Nixon

TRUMP BANISHES PRESS TO DISTANT AUDITORIUM

New York, NY January 16, 2017
“I really didn’t want to do it. The press is very important to me. Very important. But the space constraints in the White House briefing room have become intolerable. We cannot treat our cherished guardians of the freedom of the press to such horrendously cramped and outdated facilities. Therefore I have instructed my staff to begin to design a much larger space somewhere on the White House grounds. This new space will hold ten times more press than that tiny old location. More press, not less and more is better, I think you’ll agree. While they will no longer be in the very same building as me when I am sworn in on Friday, I can assure you that I will grant them access to me and my staff as needed, you can count on that. Some of you may know that President Nixon covered up the White House pool which is located directly beneath the current Press Briefing Room. I will remove the floor of the press room and restore the pool to it’s original splendor. Additionally, this is not like the old days, I’d strongly advise the press to refocus its considerable energies on my burgeoning twitter feed where anything they may wish to know is prominently displayed for all to see”. ~slater.comĀ©