Tag Archives: nomination

MEDIA CALLS TRUMP FAKE PRESIDENT

Washington, DC February 24, 2017
“We think that Donald Trump is a fake President. We have a series of reliable sources that say he is totally fake with a capital F. Fake like nobody’s business. Faux like the fake facades on his buildings. Glittery like a fake glass ring. Phony like fools gold. If Judges are so-called fake judges and the media only reports fake made-up stories then the leader of this sad rusting hulk adrift at sea must also be fake. President in name only like the shiny gold signs he rents to hotels, apartments and casinos. Not really a Trump property, just says Trump on the door to draw people in.”

In response, President Trump said, “The fake media is at it again. I’m not fake they are. That’s what they are but what am I? Not fake, I can tell you that. I’m the real deal. You don’t get more down to earth real than me. I’m the realist realist you’re gonna find. So the story they just printed about me being fake was fake. That means that two fakes make a real. So if they’re completely fake and their stories are fake, then the story about me being fake wasn’t real and I’m real which like I so totally already knew without their help.”. ~~slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS DON’T ENTER MY BEAUTY CONTESTS IF YOU CAN’T MEET MY STANDARDS

New York, NY September 29, 2016
“It makes sense. I set the standards for beauty in contests that I own and run. If you don’t meet my standards don’t go crying to the press about it. Maybe you should just stop stuffing Dunkin Donuts down your piehole for a minute. I mean take a break honey. Give it a rest. You’re gonna wear out your choppers. Get a hobby, but don’t make it cooking, OK? Look, I’m as sensitive as the next guy, but this Miss Universe is spending her time complaining about things she said I told her years ago, please. I’m a businessman and her weight gain caused me to loose a few bucks so I told her to shape up or ship out. You think I invented shape up or ship out, huh? No, it’s been around for a long time. Get with the program honey. I like my models thin and thiner. Get it? Not dumb and dumber like you. I love women, but this is the beauty business. If you can’t stand the heat get back in the kitchen where you can be barefoot and pregnant for all I care, just not with my kid cause you have weight issues Miss Universe and I don’t put up with imperfection in the Trump family or any of our subsidiary organizations. Now don’t cry about it dear, there’s always next year at the Coney Island hot dog eating contest. You could partner with the 400 pound hacker I mentioned at the debate. I think you could do well as a team. As President I would have many new concepts for constructive citizenry including height and weight protocols. I believe strongly in eugenics and intend to apply Federal mandates for acceptable male and female appearance standardization”. —slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS I WON DEBATE AND MY MIKE WAS BROKEN

New York, NY September 27, 2016
“I won. I always win. Nothing new. Winners win. This debate was no different. Even with a bad mike, there really is no debate about it. Just about everyone on the internet says I’m the most interesting, exciting personality around. All the media is infatuated with me. I’m afraid to be alone with them. They give me the creeps, they’re so in love with everything I say and everything I do. Besides, I’m making them too much money by boosting their ratings through the roof. I can play them like a fiddle anyway. I can call a press conference, stop by a show or just call anyone at anytime and command attention. That’s leadership. Y’know leadership is not always doing something or having a plan. Sometimes it’s just leading. Leadership, don’t under rate it. I have it and I use it. No one else does, so follow me or I’ll remove you. Not like Hitler. I don’t want to kill anyone, but if you disagree with me like Hillary does, then you disagree with America and you need to leave. I don’t care where you go, just get out. Not just illegals, but Rosie O’Donnell and everyone else that is anti-me.” —slater.com©

TRUMP NOW SAYS THEY CAN STAY

New York, NY August 25, 2016
“I never said I was going to round them up and toss them out. Of course they can stay. We’ve got plenty of room here. All are welcome. What I did say was the bad ones will most probably need to think about leaving. Maybe not right away, but at some point. Remember these people are robbers and rapists and such. But not all of them. Some I suppose are nice people. People who need people. We’re good people and we like other good people. People are people so take care of your brother, people. Now some people say I’m flip-flopping, but as usual they are dead wrong. I’m not a squishy do-nothing kowtower like career politicians. I’m a do something get it done expert. Get ’em out of here I say and I don’t give a rats you know what whether or not they have a job or a family. Just get ’em the heck out of our country. We’re taking it back and quickly, believe me. I don’t need no one to make this happen. I’m known for getting things done. I don’t need any foreigners to muck up the works. That’s why I like the blacks. They can stay. They were here before my family so they can stay. But the line in the sand will be the date my grandfather came to America. Everyone who was here before him can stay, everyone else must be out by sundown March 30, 2017. I’ll give ’em 90 days from my coronation in January 2017. I don’t need Obama handing me the keys that day. He can high-tail it out of town with the rest of ’em. I’m changing the locks anyway. Get ready people, we’re gonna need to put our nose to the grindstone. Without the illegals to do the dirty work, somebody’s gonna need to step up. I’d do it of course. I’m known for my hard work in the field. I’m the blue collar billionaire so I’ve got my pick-up and my 6 pack and my coleman and I’m out on the lake or deep in the woods on the weekends let me tell you boy. Yep, I’m wearin a red kerchief around my neck and a whoopin and a hollerin my way down the trail every chance I get. But as your President I’m not gonna be able to be out there with you, but the works gotta get done, right? So after we get these foreigners out a here you guys will need to pick up the slack. But at least they’ll be gone and we’ll have our country back. It’s been a long road lettin ’em in here to stomp all over our laws and our constitution. But the jig is up. Goodbye illegals. Now a lot of ’em can stay though. I mean don’t get all riled up if you got a family, I think we can probably work with you. If you have a job or a business maybe you can pay us some dinero to you know grease the skids. Look I know how to negotiate these deals and I’ll have the final say on who stays or goes. We’ll work something out. But this is rock solid, no changes – write it in the book cause it’s good as done, period. My word is my bond. Remember even if you leave whether we toss you out or you go voluntarily, there will be a path back. I mean it’s my hope that some will stay and some will leave and all will re-unite back in the USA at the appropriate time for a celebration of unity no matter where you were born or what you believe. All men were created equal and as President I’ll make sure that no man, woman or child is more equal then any other unless there are some sort of special circumstances.” —slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS NOT CRAZY

Ashburn, VA August 2, 2016
“I’m not crazy. She’s the devil, not me. She’s the one you should be looking at for testing. Get the demons out of Hillary, not me. I can control mine. I’m likely the sanest man on the planet. I’m very successful. I have a mansion and a yacht. Is anyone more successful than me? Not really. My head is screwed on straight. I’ve got it together. I’m my own man and build big things all over. People hire my company to consult. Do you usually pay millions of dollars to someone who is unstable? Stability is what I’m paid for. Keeping things on the up and up. On the straight and narrow. In a pigs eye I’m nuts. They’re nuttier than a fruitcake. Get my wallet from my jacket, I’ll show you who’s crazy. Here look do you see a business card from my shrink? See no shrink. I’m probably like the number one sanest person on this continent. Could I lend my name to developers if my name was no good? I beat all comers fair and square like I always do. Hillary should be committed not me. I take some meds to stay level, does she? Maybe the media should focus on Hillary’s stability not mine. I’m fully covered by my health plan and get all the medication I need. Nobody sleeps 4 hours and flies around like me. I’m everywhere. I don’t care if they legalize pot in Colorado or wherever. That’s not my prime concern. I got bigger fish to fry. There are a lot of Republicans that haven’t heard the last of me either. Drugs or no drugs I’ll take a medical test or drug test or whatever. Bring it on. I’m mentally competent. I’m the #1 most mentally competent man in the country. Nobody is more stable, even-tempered and likable than me. People form crowds wherever I go. People like me. I’m likable. Like me or don’t and I’ll return the favor at some point believe me. Get in line but be ready for blowback losers. I don’t let it roll off my back like water off a duck. I keep records. And remember insanity is not a plea or a defense, it’s just a state of mind if you can comprehend my stream of consciousness dynamic earthbound rhetorical diatribes with love and comfort but not the enemy cause that’s Hillary not me and whatever’s got a grip on her from inside get it out.” —slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS BREXIT GREAT FOR MY BUSINESSES

Edinburgh Scotland June 26, 2016
“This is great for me. I will make boatloads of money off of this decision and I think I was instrumental in guiding the Brits to this outcome. That is what you call true leadership. And yes I have my own self interest at heart. You don’t? There is really not much of a difference between the interests of the US and my personal holdings. Not the way I see it anyway. You’ve got to get up in the morning and take what’s truly yours if you want it like I do. Dream big dreams and don’t let anyone stand in your way. I told my fellow Scotsman to get on board or be left behind. Now some of these losers are buried under tons of dirt. At least their precious views are anyway. Play ball with me and I may throw a few crumbs your way. Act like my Scottish neighbors and I can leave your house sitting in the dark behind a 20 foot wall. They fought me and they lost. Losers loose. Read my books. So there are a lot of crybabies in Scotland right now who wasted their time fighting against me. But I cut the ribbon and launched one of the most beautiful courses anyway. Now they lost and their property is way down in value and they are behind a mountain of Trump dirt which they can stare at until they come to their senses and sell to me which is inevitable because winners win. It wouldn’t surprise me if Scotland ultimately joins up with the US after they break away from the UK and become a territory of the US. I’m not expansionist mind you but we have a lot to offer under my stewardship and I look forward to forming alliances with many willing partners during my terms”. —slater.com©

TRUMP DENIES THAT HE WILL SELECT HIMSELF AS VP

New York, NY June 19, 2016
“No, I will not choose myself as VP. If I’m President I cannot also be VP. I know this. What I was overheard saying was I’d like someone exactly like me and barring that I’m not sure that I will pick anyone at all. What that means is I may go it alone. I don’t know why it is necessary to have a shadow President in the wings. If something were to happen the Speaker of the House would become President, so we’re covered anyway. Many great leaders in the Middle East, Africa, Italy, Germany and throughout the world did not choose a second as it were. They made great strides in their countries and I don’t know of any reason why I can’t do the same for America”. —slater.com©

TRUMP TELLS RYAN AND REPUBLICAN LEADERS TO SHUT UP

New York, NY June 16,2016
“They better mind their manners. If little Pauly don’t shut his pie hole, I’ll run without them. I’m not sure if it will be the Trump party or some other thing but I’m the leader of the Republicans now and if they don’t heave to I’ll find people who will. Y’know I don’t need a single one of those losers. Today loser McCain is stealing my line about Obama being responsible for the Orlando mess. But it was my idea about Obama. Where was he for the last few years while I was out on the campaign trail informing the ignorant and uneducated masses? Losers. Losers lose, I tell you. Always. They have no right to call themselves Republicans, not even Prince Reibus the so called party head. Please. He’s with me one day and against me the next. That’s not leadership and I can do without him and easily. These guys are an anchor holding me back. Just shut up and let me be me. The workers party needs to get to work and quick. Little Paulie Ryan is spouting his mouth off about separate but equal powers. He doesn’t get it. That’s where the gridlock comes from. He’s part of it. I’m the roto-rooter guy and only I can snake out the lines and flush all the congestion from the system. But they’ve got to get behind me, everything I stand for and everything that I say. We must move as one. For the last time, zip it while I’m outside the beltway because after I move in you pathetic losers will wish you did.” —slater.com©

TRUMP WONDERS ABOUT OBAMAS LOYALTY TO USA

New York, NY June 15, 2016
“No I don’t think he sold the gun to that nut in Orlando, but I wonder about things. Y’know people are saying all my innuendo and hypothesizing is off base. But I really wonder what’s going on. I mean was he even born here. Some say he went to school as a child in Malaysia. I mean if you were born in the US would you attend school in another country? I wouldn’t. And he won’t say things that I want him to say in a specific phraseology. Why not? Do his off-country bosses prohibit such speech? Could he have been involved in the Florida disaster in some way? You’d have to ask him. But whatever he says, can we believe it? I mean is he credible if we don’t know if he’s really American? I sure don’t know. Maybe nobody does. Fortunately whoever he is and whoever he’s working for he’s scheduled to leave in a matter of months. But it’s a head-scratcher isn’t it? Who is he really and what is he up to? Who is he working for? If you elect me at least none of these type of questions will need to be raised. I’m red, white and true blue like the flag.” —slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS HE WILL CONTINUE SCORCHED EARTH POLICY

Washington DC May 31, 2016
“I’m a counter puncher. This is well known. I fight back. Always. Look back in history. All the strong men have done this. I’m strong. It shouldn’t be a surprise. My family and my closest advisors know that I will continue this approach no matter who asks me to stop. The reason is simple. It’s a time saver. Does anyone badmouth the mafia? No. Why? Because they have been taught over the centuries that is not good for them. Likewise it is not good for anyone to speak about me or my money in anything but a respectful tone of complete reverence. In essence, I’m a teacher. I train people to move on and just accept what I say. Go against me and you’ll face a barrage like you never dreamed of negative dredged up slime and filth about you that even you weren’t aware of. By now you should know, I’m not afraid to speak my mind. I don’t care about your political affiliation or anything else for that matter. I just want to make sure that you are aware of the consequences of your actions. Speak glowingly about me and you will be praised and rewarded. Speak ill of me and prepare for the onslaught. Fear is my stick and I’m not afraid to use it”. —slater.com©