Tag Archives: Presidency

TRUMP TRIES TO TIME TWEETS

Washington, DC June 5, 2017
“When I feel a lull in coverage, I tweet. Ratings matter. I don’t care if my staff or family asks me to keep quiet. The show must go on. Nobody shuts me down. I’m the richest multi-billionaire President there ever was. That didn’t happen by accident. Timing. Timing. Some people wait for life to find them. I go and find life. I can mostly tell when to tweet or write or speak if it looks like everybody wants me to shut up. The more that I’m asked to keep a lid on it, the quicker I try to get my thoughts out to my people. Basically, I’m a contrarian. I do the opposite of the herd. Everyone says I should keep my big mouth shut so that’s my signal to lash out and spout like a harpooned whale. Recently though, I think they have caught on to my method of operating so they are using reverse psychology on me. Or at least they are trying to. Now when they tell me to speak out and tweet, I know that they don’t really want me to because they think I’ll do the opposite. But I’m on to them and I’m tweeting about people, cases before the Supreme Court, policies, intelligence, you name it. They can’t stop me and I won’t let them even try. I have the password to my twitter account and even if they take my phone away or shut it down, I can stop at any store or borrow anyones phone and release a fresh twitter storm at will. My voice which is the voice of my people will get out and be heard because I seem to know just what to say and exactly when to say it.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS HE’S NOT STANDING BY ANYTHING

Washington, DC May 1, 2017
Interviewed by John Dickerson over the weekend President Trump finally admitted, “I don’t stand by anything.” We caught up with the President to see if we could get some clarification. Mr. President with all due respect, sir, you didn’t really mean that you don’t stand by anything, do you? “Yeah, actually I’m the one person here in Washington who does mean what they say. You watched the interview and I stand by my comments, each and every one.” But Mr. President, the key controversial statement that you made was that you don’t stand by anything, now you say that you do stand by your comments. “That’s right, I stand by my comment that I don’t stand by anything. But anything has different meanings to different people. Remember, citizens in this great country of ours are diverse. Not just in their appearance but in their views, education and life experiences. I am speaking to them, my American people. They deserve straight talk and I’m the one who’s gonna let them have it”. But, sir, how can you equate straight talk with not standing by anything you say? I mean you said that on tape for all to see on CBS. “Maybe they edited the tape in some way to make me look bad, that’s the fake news for you. I was just in Harrisburg with my folks and they don’t think much of the news either. I bet a lot of them wouldn’t stand by it. I don’t think we should stand for it either, do you?” Sir well, that’s not really for me to say. “Sure it is, you’re an American, right? You have the right to free speech. But remember that freedom isn’t free. I’m asking other countries to pony up right now by the way. No more free rides on old Uncle Sams back. No more freeloading. You wanna sit on my couch all day, you’d best have settled the bill with the front desk. Am I right?” Well sir, I, I don’t really know. But what about the fact that you stated on the record that you simply don’t stand for anything? “Well son, just because I seemed to say it, don’t make it true now does it?” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS NEW NAVAL CLOAKING DEVICE HUGE ADVANTAGE

Washington DC April 20, 2017
“We invented the flip phone, iPads and other technology from Star Trek futuristic props. It should be no surprise that we have adapted Romulan cloaking technology to our large naval vessels. Initially it was easy to cloak small boats and drones. I am told that we used certain proprietary light-reflective surface technology with advanced holographic mirroring techniques that cause both the human eye and radar/sonar to bypass our covered objects as if they were not there. We got some help from David Copperfield as well. Who said there are no patriotic magicians? The breakthrough came when we were able to boost the signal strength and cover larger areas. We not only hide objects that we choose but we replace the space they occupy with other projected images. Using a satellite-mounted laser delivery system we can keep the illusion steady and move it with exact precision through GPS. We can also just show the ocean. It’s really like bypassing a CCTV camera and replacing it with a loop of a clear hallway like you see in so many movies. We just do it in real life and in real time. Just between us, our internal code name is Ghost Ship. I have asked DARPA to begin to adapt this technology to mobile human forms asap. I’d like to move around without my entourage from time to time. Once we get this fine tuned, I could be in Mar-a-lago or on the golf course and you will believe I am in the White House. Gotta keep ’em guessing and off-balance, right? But look, everyone knows the element of surprise works well during military operations. I still get a kick out of thinking about our enemies lookouts with their binoculars saying “alls well”…. while our giant ships are sitting right off their coast”. ~~slater.com©

RUSSIA SAYS NYET

Moscow April 2, 2017
“No, we did not elect or help to elect your President Trump. We have enough to do here in our country. Many ills to fight and many challenges at home. As expert chess players if we wanted to make moves around your manbaby leader it would be how you say piece of cake. We could do it, of course, but it is not in our interest to run your country and ours simultaneously. We need to focus on our energy business and social programs and such. Why don’t you get your health care fixed? Are we interfering? Why don’t you get your roads, bridges, airports, tunnels, trains, electric grids, power plants, air traffic control, dams, cyber platforms and all other infrastructure repaired or upgraded? Is Big Bad Russian wolf stopping you? Why don’t you get your tax system reformed so your country will regain its competitiveness and your companies will stop hiding their profits offshore? How exactly are we preventing that? Why don’t you decide on your immigration policy? Do what you want. Are we hindering your decision-making abilities? We could care less who you choose to let in or keep out. While it is true that both our countries have been engaging in spying activities and disinformation campaigns for all of this century and most of the last, could it be comrades, that your government and press like to spar over inflammatory topics that inspire a nationalist spirit in your country to sell your news and to keep the peoples attention off of the real issues that affect them right now and will affect their children in the future? If so, then your misdirection is working and you can continue to point your finger and weapons at us. But we are not fooled. Not Nyet anyway”. ~~slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS HE CAN FOOL ALL OF THE PEOPLE ALL OF THE TIME

Washington, DC March 21, 2017
“Abraham Lincoln was wrong. He said, “You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time”. But I believe I can fool all of the people all of the time because that’s not really my intention. That’s because the truth is fungible. How do we really know how many dimensions there are? Who can tell if string theory permeates speech and actions? Are we really here? Right? Maybe, but probably not. So what so-called words am I speaking or writing that can be quantified in earthly linguistics? Do you truly know how you came to be? What is existence? Is it different for you than me? Can you be the judge of what is real in my world? Should you judge me? Or anyone? So it’s not really a psychic shell game, but a sorely needed shot of non-reality which coincides with the seeming reality we all may find ourselves in. Believe me.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS OBAMACARE BAD

Washington DC, March 12, 2017
“Obamacare is very very bad. Very bad. Sad even. Not redeemable in any way. A total mess. In a complete state of collapse. Totally over. Fortunately we will repeal and replace Obamacare with Trumpcare which will be a first class, high-end, total care plan. We will offer all kinds of healthcare packages for the American people. They will be very affordable. In fact each person will only buy what they can afford. No one and I repeat no one will be forced to buy any coverage at all. Buy whatever type of health coverage you like. If you like it buy it. Many people will go without and just roll the dice. That is their choice, right? We won’t force you to buy something that you don’t want like Obama did. You’re free now. Of course, if you buckle down, work hard, save and invest your money you can buy some of our gold and platinum packages with classy top-shelf healthcare and all the frills. That’s additional incentive to study, apply yourself and be fiscally disciplined. If not, you might need to go without or move to San Francisco and camp out near Nancy Pelosi’s house. She might fund a clinic for anyone who stops by. I’m more of a cash and carry type of guy. In any case, I always say don’t give a man a Band-Aid. Teach him how to heal a wound on his own and he’ll never have an open sore again.” ~~slater.com©

MEDIA CALLS TRUMP FAKE PRESIDENT

Washington, DC February 24, 2017
“We think that Donald Trump is a fake President. We have a series of reliable sources that say he is totally fake with a capital F. Fake like nobody’s business. Faux like the fake facades on his buildings. Glittery like a fake glass ring. Phony like fools gold. If Judges are so-called fake judges and the media only reports fake made-up stories then the leader of this sad rusting hulk adrift at sea must also be fake. President in name only like the shiny gold signs he rents to hotels, apartments and casinos. Not really a Trump property, just says Trump on the door to draw people in.”

In response, President Trump said, “The fake media is at it again. I’m not fake they are. That’s what they are but what am I? Not fake, I can tell you that. I’m the real deal. You don’t get more down to earth real than me. I’m the realist realist you’re gonna find. So the story they just printed about me being fake was fake. That means that two fakes make a real. So if they’re completely fake and their stories are fake, then the story about me being fake wasn’t real and I’m real which like I so totally already knew without their help.”. ~~slater.com©

TRUMP BANISHES PRESS TO DISTANT AUDITORIUM

New York, NY January 16, 2017
“I really didn’t want to do it. The press is very important to me. Very important. But the space constraints in the White House briefing room have become intolerable. We cannot treat our cherished guardians of the freedom of the press to such horrendously cramped and outdated facilities. Therefore I have instructed my staff to begin to design a much larger space somewhere on the White House grounds. This new space will hold ten times more press than that tiny old location. More press, not less and more is better, I think you’ll agree. While they will no longer be in the very same building as me when I am sworn in on Friday, I can assure you that I will grant them access to me and my staff as needed, you can count on that. Some of you may know that President Nixon covered up the White House pool which is located directly beneath the current Press Briefing Room. I will remove the floor of the press room and restore the pool to it’s original splendor. Additionally, this is not like the old days, I’d strongly advise the press to refocus its considerable energies on my burgeoning twitter feed where anything they may wish to know is prominently displayed for all to see”. ~slater.com©

REPUBLICANS DECLARE ETHICS IMPEDIMENT TO PROGRESS

Washington, DC January 4, 2017
“We think this things gotten way overblown. We didn’t mean to reduce ethics examinations and investigations in any way. We just wanted to y’know get things done for the American people. We weren’t going to pork barrel or otherwise line anyones pocket. It was just to streamline the process. To move forward. But any suggestion that we were trying to cover up any past or future wrongdoing is silly. Just ridiculous. We didn’t get elected by such a wide majority because we hid things. Now that we have both houses, the Supreme Court, Federal Judgeships and the Presidency it just seemed foolish to cow tow to committees and organizations made up of who knows who. We must make sure that old “absolute power corrupts absolutely” remains just a quote not reality. To do that we wanted to close as many needless power hungry organizations as we could. It was just coincidental that we started with the Independent Ethics Committee. We’ll leave it operable for now, but we are ethically obligated to advise you that we may revisit the vote in the future should the need arise”. ~~slater.com©

TRUMP TELLS CHINA TO KEEP SEA DRONE

December 19, 2016 New York, NY
“They can just keep it. We don’t want it back. You stole it. You keep it. You’ve been stealing all of our intellectual property for years now, so it’s kind of a relief to actually be able to see the theft on video. You know what I mean? All this virtual theft and cyberspace robbery is just so much vapor. I’ve been watching reruns of the sea drone caper in a running loop for several hours now. I’m mesmerized by their brazen and blatant taking of our property. Well, it’s on film now, so there’s no denying it. You did it and we caught you. Guilty as far as I’m concerned. Case closed. When I’m in office, those types of things won’t be tolerated, no – taking my property is generally not known to be a good idea. No it isn’t. I’m thinking of telling the kids to yank my name off all those buildings in China that rent our brand. That’d show ’em we mean business. But I can’t get involved in those types of decisions because the press always writes about conflict of interest. So I don’t know if the kids will do that but if I was still in charge of the company, I’d pull out of there so fast their head would swim.” ~~slater.com©