Tag Archives: Republican nomination

AMERICANS BRACING FOR THE FIRST HALLOWEEN WHERE BOTH PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES ARE NOW SCARIER THAN ANY MASK

Washington, DC October 30, 2015
“I wouldn’t let my kids watch the debates. They were cartoonishly uncivilized” said Melody from Tampa. “My kids asked me if the people on TV are actors working for Saturday Night Live. I’m voting for one of them, but either choice is too embarrassing to mention.” said Joe from Bismarck. “We have hundreds of millions of people, many ethical, trustworthy and bright and these two are what we have to pick from in 9 days?” said Fran from Milwaukee. I told my son it’s very important to vote, but I can’t tell him which one I’m voting for as they both have breeched the ethical divide so often, it would give him a bad impression of separating wrong from right.” said Tommy from Jasper. “I’m glad human lifespans are so short. Just 50 or 60 New Years parties from now, a huge number of everyone alive today will be gone. Hopefully future generations will act responsibly and put forth qualified candidates for Leader of the Free World.” said George from Troy. —slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS I’M STAYING ALL IN

New York, NY October 9, 2016
“I’m not sure if the tape was doctored or what, but I don’t exactly remember saying all of that. I might have had a minor type of similar conversation with Billy Bush, but it was so long ago maybe the Clintons fixed up the tape to make me look bad, I really don’t know. What I do know is that Bill Cosby is on trial here not me, right? So if the evidence were so strong that something illegal happened, then why aren’t I in jail? Think about it. He’s out roaming the streets with his medication doing who knows what while the media focus’s on me. Is it Bill Cosby or Bill Clinton? I don’t know. What I do know is that some women are very hot. Should I keep that a secret? I don’t think so. Besides, get over yourselves. I’ve said and done a lot worse before this came out that everybody already knows about. Why this? Why now? Media bias, right? Just wear your red hats and vote for me and let my private conversations stay private. After all, what about the 1st and 2nd amendments? Think about that. Do we need more amendments to protect my right to speak with a member of the Bush family in a private bus, just us two? Can you get a little privacy here in the states? I’m not sure anymore, right? It seems a little coincidental that a relative of Jeb’s is trying to bring me down with a little tape. Bushes in the White House. Bushes in the media. What’s up with that? Seems a little fishy to me. Y’know Snowden’s in Russia where he can speak freely about stuff. Ironic right? Hillary blasts my friend Vladimir but he lets an American speak his mind. What about my rights? Do I have to go to Russia to say what I feel? I hope not. I hope that America is still a place I can call home. Women are driving this issue. I don’t have a problem with them. They have a problem with me. I’m an open book. What are they thinking? I don’t want their votes anyway. They can stay home for all I care. If they don’t like that kind of talk, vote for someone else. I’ve got to be me. I’ve got to be free to express myself. You finally have a chance to vote for a President that revealed the skeletons in his closet before election day, not after. I’m not dropping out. I’m not a quitter. Don’t miss your chance to bring some reality to DC.” —slater.com©

TRUMP DENIES SCATTERSHOT APPROACH

Detroit, MI September 4, 2016
“No, I have been and will remain totally focused. Being me doesn’t mean being anyone else. It means that I will project my insides outward for an aura of total honesty and trustworthiness. I completely deny that I want to be everything to everyone. Although as a salesman it is tempting to satisfy your audience and make the sale. I have been known to close a deal or two and then revert to my original plan. But let me tell you this, if my original plan was good then who cares. I mean what has anybody got to lose anyway? I’m me and I can get it done. You know it and I know it. Getting it done overrides following any game plan that may have been created by something that I might have said. Remember, I said it – so who would know what I meant better than me? And if I change my mind? Do you believe that only a lady can do that? That’s sexism. Rampant sexism and I won’t stand for it. Look however it turns out, don’t rely on some dopey speech I may have given or some plan you read about. Instead look for me to move the ball down the field and score the goal. Stop nitpicking about me saying one thing to one group and something else to another. In the end, if you elect me, you already know that I’ll do whatever I want whenever I want to. It’s less about a scattershot approach and more about winning. The ends justify the means, right? If you agree with me, vote for me and then let me worry about it.” —slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS NOT CRAZY

Ashburn, VA August 2, 2016
“I’m not crazy. She’s the devil, not me. She’s the one you should be looking at for testing. Get the demons out of Hillary, not me. I can control mine. I’m likely the sanest man on the planet. I’m very successful. I have a mansion and a yacht. Is anyone more successful than me? Not really. My head is screwed on straight. I’ve got it together. I’m my own man and build big things all over. People hire my company to consult. Do you usually pay millions of dollars to someone who is unstable? Stability is what I’m paid for. Keeping things on the up and up. On the straight and narrow. In a pigs eye I’m nuts. They’re nuttier than a fruitcake. Get my wallet from my jacket, I’ll show you who’s crazy. Here look do you see a business card from my shrink? See no shrink. I’m probably like the number one sanest person on this continent. Could I lend my name to developers if my name was no good? I beat all comers fair and square like I always do. Hillary should be committed not me. I take some meds to stay level, does she? Maybe the media should focus on Hillary’s stability not mine. I’m fully covered by my health plan and get all the medication I need. Nobody sleeps 4 hours and flies around like me. I’m everywhere. I don’t care if they legalize pot in Colorado or wherever. That’s not my prime concern. I got bigger fish to fry. There are a lot of Republicans that haven’t heard the last of me either. Drugs or no drugs I’ll take a medical test or drug test or whatever. Bring it on. I’m mentally competent. I’m the #1 most mentally competent man in the country. Nobody is more stable, even-tempered and likable than me. People form crowds wherever I go. People like me. I’m likable. Like me or don’t and I’ll return the favor at some point believe me. Get in line but be ready for blowback losers. I don’t let it roll off my back like water off a duck. I keep records. And remember insanity is not a plea or a defense, it’s just a state of mind if you can comprehend my stream of consciousness dynamic earthbound rhetorical diatribes with love and comfort but not the enemy cause that’s Hillary not me and whatever’s got a grip on her from inside get it out.” —slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS SENATOR FLAKE FROM AZ. WILL NOT BE RE-ELECTED

Washington DC July 7, 2016
“I told Senator Flake, you’ve been very critical of me. I noticed what he said and I told him in no uncertain terms that he will NOT be re-elected. No way. I remember Saddam having a similar meeting with politicians in Iraq. At some point during the meeting Saddam signaled for his goons to remove several attendees. They were never heard from again. Now don’t get me wrong. He was a bad man. But I can’t help but think that he got some respect from the rest of that audience, right? He knew how to work a room. Get it done. Now I’m not a bad man. So I can’t do anything exactly like that. But a boy can dream, right? I mean if you think about moving forward with our plans, we need to get up to speed quick, not dawdle. I’m not a dawdler. I move and move quick. These boys better learn and learn fast. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. Right? There’s probably some way to water down Saddam’s methods and still get results. I just gotta find it”. —slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS BREXIT GREAT FOR MY BUSINESSES

Edinburgh Scotland June 26, 2016
“This is great for me. I will make boatloads of money off of this decision and I think I was instrumental in guiding the Brits to this outcome. That is what you call true leadership. And yes I have my own self interest at heart. You don’t? There is really not much of a difference between the interests of the US and my personal holdings. Not the way I see it anyway. You’ve got to get up in the morning and take what’s truly yours if you want it like I do. Dream big dreams and don’t let anyone stand in your way. I told my fellow Scotsman to get on board or be left behind. Now some of these losers are buried under tons of dirt. At least their precious views are anyway. Play ball with me and I may throw a few crumbs your way. Act like my Scottish neighbors and I can leave your house sitting in the dark behind a 20 foot wall. They fought me and they lost. Losers loose. Read my books. So there are a lot of crybabies in Scotland right now who wasted their time fighting against me. But I cut the ribbon and launched one of the most beautiful courses anyway. Now they lost and their property is way down in value and they are behind a mountain of Trump dirt which they can stare at until they come to their senses and sell to me which is inevitable because winners win. It wouldn’t surprise me if Scotland ultimately joins up with the US after they break away from the UK and become a territory of the US. I’m not expansionist mind you but we have a lot to offer under my stewardship and I look forward to forming alliances with many willing partners during my terms”. —slater.com©

TRUMP DENIES THAT HE WILL SELECT HIMSELF AS VP

New York, NY June 19, 2016
“No, I will not choose myself as VP. If I’m President I cannot also be VP. I know this. What I was overheard saying was I’d like someone exactly like me and barring that I’m not sure that I will pick anyone at all. What that means is I may go it alone. I don’t know why it is necessary to have a shadow President in the wings. If something were to happen the Speaker of the House would become President, so we’re covered anyway. Many great leaders in the Middle East, Africa, Italy, Germany and throughout the world did not choose a second as it were. They made great strides in their countries and I don’t know of any reason why I can’t do the same for America”. —slater.com©

TRUMP TELLS RYAN AND REPUBLICAN LEADERS TO SHUT UP

New York, NY June 16,2016
“They better mind their manners. If little Pauly don’t shut his pie hole, I’ll run without them. I’m not sure if it will be the Trump party or some other thing but I’m the leader of the Republicans now and if they don’t heave to I’ll find people who will. Y’know I don’t need a single one of those losers. Today loser McCain is stealing my line about Obama being responsible for the Orlando mess. But it was my idea about Obama. Where was he for the last few years while I was out on the campaign trail informing the ignorant and uneducated masses? Losers. Losers lose, I tell you. Always. They have no right to call themselves Republicans, not even Prince Reibus the so called party head. Please. He’s with me one day and against me the next. That’s not leadership and I can do without him and easily. These guys are an anchor holding me back. Just shut up and let me be me. The workers party needs to get to work and quick. Little Paulie Ryan is spouting his mouth off about separate but equal powers. He doesn’t get it. That’s where the gridlock comes from. He’s part of it. I’m the roto-rooter guy and only I can snake out the lines and flush all the congestion from the system. But they’ve got to get behind me, everything I stand for and everything that I say. We must move as one. For the last time, zip it while I’m outside the beltway because after I move in you pathetic losers will wish you did.” —slater.com©

TRUMP WONDERS ABOUT OBAMAS LOYALTY TO USA

New York, NY June 15, 2016
“No I don’t think he sold the gun to that nut in Orlando, but I wonder about things. Y’know people are saying all my innuendo and hypothesizing is off base. But I really wonder what’s going on. I mean was he even born here. Some say he went to school as a child in Malaysia. I mean if you were born in the US would you attend school in another country? I wouldn’t. And he won’t say things that I want him to say in a specific phraseology. Why not? Do his off-country bosses prohibit such speech? Could he have been involved in the Florida disaster in some way? You’d have to ask him. But whatever he says, can we believe it? I mean is he credible if we don’t know if he’s really American? I sure don’t know. Maybe nobody does. Fortunately whoever he is and whoever he’s working for he’s scheduled to leave in a matter of months. But it’s a head-scratcher isn’t it? Who is he really and what is he up to? Who is he working for? If you elect me at least none of these type of questions will need to be raised. I’m red, white and true blue like the flag.” —slater.com©

TRUMP REVOKES WASHINGTON POST PRESS CREDENTIALS

New York, NY June 14,2016
“I had to do it. They weren’t playing fair. I’m the only one who can do this. If there’s one thing I stand for it’s the truth. On this everybody is in agreement. Truth is paramount to my entire makeup. After all, without truth what do our words really mean? Think about it and give thanks that a truth-teller is in this race for leader of the free world. The Washington Post has irked me like nobody’s business so I’m pulling my invites and barring them at the door to my exclusive events. The reason so many people fight to get in to see me is that air of complete exclusivity. I’m not always in town. Catch my act when you can. Don’t miss it. It’ll be a party, you can count on that, my friends. But don’t expect to see Jeff Bezos’ Washington Post operatives milling around the press corral cause I’m closing the barn door before they even get in. I won’t have to say get ’em out of here cause they won’t even be allowed in to start with. Bye Washington Post and I’m sure gonna check to see if any of my staff has been ordering from Amazon too. That’s just another Jeff Bezos tool that I need to look into. Did amazon stock and promote my red hats? My ties? My water and my steaks? Or did they bury my products where nobody could see them and highlight Hillarys merchandise instead? Look, until the Washington Post gets with the program and starts to align their thinking with reality, I will continue the ban even if I’m elected President including Press Conferences.” —slater.com©