Tag Archives: The Donald

TRUMP SAYS HE’LL CREATE JOBS BY ALLOWING EVERYONE IN AMERICA TO WORK AT THE WHITE HOUSE FOR A FEW DAYS

Washington, DC August 18, 2017
“Only I could arrange for my citizens to receive gainful employment experience here in DC. I will hire anyone interested in a temporary position into my administration. Although they may not be around that long, what happens in here will give them food for thought for the rest of their lives. I mean it. They’ll look back fondly at their brief time in the White House and pine for the old days when we could just shoot the breeze in the oval office. Fun times, good times. I’m looking forward to meeting a lot of you here in the Capitol for your on-boarding. To save time we also conduct your exit interview later that same day.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS RUSSIAN ATTORNEY WAS HILLARY IN DISGUISE

Washington DC July 16, 2017
“I knew it. I’ve just been told that facial recognition software will prove that the so-called Russian Government Lawyer was none other than Hillary Clinton in disguise. That explains a lot. My boy was duped by the Clinton gang from Little Rock. Those country bumpkins may have outsmarted us city slickers for now but we’re not done for yet. I’ll back up my little boy Jr. all the way till the end. You can count on that. The Clinton machine may be after him but we’ve got some pull as well. I thought all this was a hoax and part of the fake news conspiracy but it turns out that as usual when you look behind the curtain it’s just little Bill and Hillary up to their old tricks with their Russian friends. So my boy is now in the clear and the Attorney General can refocus the attention of the entire Department of Justice where it belongs. And that’s off of us and squarely on the Clintons.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS BREAKING AWAY FROM THE PACK PART OF THE PLAN

Washington, DC July 9, 2017
“I wanted to let the other countries take leadership roles. It was the adult thing to do. They are not our children. They can and should stand on their own two feet, speak for themselves and run their own race. Who are we to tell them what to do? If America first, then it’s understandable that they would feel the same way about their countries. Good for them. Keep us posted. We’ll certainly be interested in their progress. We’re not in charge anymore so that will free up time to improve our country. Now that the Russia thing is resolved and Germany and France are the leaders of the free world, I can implement America first policies here at home. It really clears my schedule. Let them do some of the work for a change. Who are we to hog the spotlight? Do my critics want to do everything for everyone at all times? Now they have a chance to shine. Like I always say, let’s give them a peace of a chance”. ~~slater.com©

TRUMP TRIES TO TIME TWEETS

Washington, DC June 5, 2017
“When I feel a lull in coverage, I tweet. Ratings matter. I don’t care if my staff or family asks me to keep quiet. The show must go on. Nobody shuts me down. I’m the richest multi-billionaire President there ever was. That didn’t happen by accident. Timing. Timing. Some people wait for life to find them. I go and find life. I can mostly tell when to tweet or write or speak if it looks like everybody wants me to shut up. The more that I’m asked to keep a lid on it, the quicker I try to get my thoughts out to my people. Basically, I’m a contrarian. I do the opposite of the herd. Everyone says I should keep my big mouth shut so that’s my signal to lash out and spout like a harpooned whale. Recently though, I think they have caught on to my method of operating so they are using reverse psychology on me. Or at least they are trying to. Now when they tell me to speak out and tweet, I know that they don’t really want me to because they think I’ll do the opposite. But I’m on to them and I’m tweeting about people, cases before the Supreme Court, policies, intelligence, you name it. They can’t stop me and I won’t let them even try. I have the password to my twitter account and even if they take my phone away or shut it down, I can stop at any store or borrow anyones phone and release a fresh twitter storm at will. My voice which is the voice of my people will get out and be heard because I seem to know just what to say and exactly when to say it.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS HE’S NOT STANDING BY ANYTHING

Washington, DC May 1, 2017
Interviewed by John Dickerson over the weekend President Trump finally admitted, “I don’t stand by anything.” We caught up with the President to see if we could get some clarification. Mr. President with all due respect, sir, you didn’t really mean that you don’t stand by anything, do you? “Yeah, actually I’m the one person here in Washington who does mean what they say. You watched the interview and I stand by my comments, each and every one.” But Mr. President, the key controversial statement that you made was that you don’t stand by anything, now you say that you do stand by your comments. “That’s right, I stand by my comment that I don’t stand by anything. But anything has different meanings to different people. Remember, citizens in this great country of ours are diverse. Not just in their appearance but in their views, education and life experiences. I am speaking to them, my American people. They deserve straight talk and I’m the one who’s gonna let them have it”. But, sir, how can you equate straight talk with not standing by anything you say? I mean you said that on tape for all to see on CBS. “Maybe they edited the tape in some way to make me look bad, that’s the fake news for you. I was just in Harrisburg with my folks and they don’t think much of the news either. I bet a lot of them wouldn’t stand by it. I don’t think we should stand for it either, do you?” Sir well, that’s not really for me to say. “Sure it is, you’re an American, right? You have the right to free speech. But remember that freedom isn’t free. I’m asking other countries to pony up right now by the way. No more free rides on old Uncle Sams back. No more freeloading. You wanna sit on my couch all day, you’d best have settled the bill with the front desk. Am I right?” Well sir, I, I don’t really know. But what about the fact that you stated on the record that you simply don’t stand for anything? “Well son, just because I seemed to say it, don’t make it true now does it?” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS NEW NAVAL CLOAKING DEVICE HUGE ADVANTAGE

Washington DC April 20, 2017
“We invented the flip phone, iPads and other technology from Star Trek futuristic props. It should be no surprise that we have adapted Romulan cloaking technology to our large naval vessels. Initially it was easy to cloak small boats and drones. I am told that we used certain proprietary light-reflective surface technology with advanced holographic mirroring techniques that cause both the human eye and radar/sonar to bypass our covered objects as if they were not there. We got some help from David Copperfield as well. Who said there are no patriotic magicians? The breakthrough came when we were able to boost the signal strength and cover larger areas. We not only hide objects that we choose but we replace the space they occupy with other projected images. Using a satellite-mounted laser delivery system we can keep the illusion steady and move it with exact precision through GPS. We can also just show the ocean. It’s really like bypassing a CCTV camera and replacing it with a loop of a clear hallway like you see in so many movies. We just do it in real life and in real time. Just between us, our internal code name is Ghost Ship. I have asked DARPA to begin to adapt this technology to mobile human forms asap. I’d like to move around without my entourage from time to time. Once we get this fine tuned, I could be in Mar-a-lago or on the golf course and you will believe I am in the White House. Gotta keep ’em guessing and off-balance, right? But look, everyone knows the element of surprise works well during military operations. I still get a kick out of thinking about our enemies lookouts with their binoculars saying “alls well”…. while our giant ships are sitting right off their coast”. ~~slater.com©

RUSSIA SAYS NYET

Moscow April 2, 2017
“No, we did not elect or help to elect your President Trump. We have enough to do here in our country. Many ills to fight and many challenges at home. As expert chess players if we wanted to make moves around your manbaby leader it would be how you say piece of cake. We could do it, of course, but it is not in our interest to run your country and ours simultaneously. We need to focus on our energy business and social programs and such. Why don’t you get your health care fixed? Are we interfering? Why don’t you get your roads, bridges, airports, tunnels, trains, electric grids, power plants, air traffic control, dams, cyber platforms and all other infrastructure repaired or upgraded? Is Big Bad Russian wolf stopping you? Why don’t you get your tax system reformed so your country will regain its competitiveness and your companies will stop hiding their profits offshore? How exactly are we preventing that? Why don’t you decide on your immigration policy? Do what you want. Are we hindering your decision-making abilities? We could care less who you choose to let in or keep out. While it is true that both our countries have been engaging in spying activities and disinformation campaigns for all of this century and most of the last, could it be comrades, that your government and press like to spar over inflammatory topics that inspire a nationalist spirit in your country to sell your news and to keep the peoples attention off of the real issues that affect them right now and will affect their children in the future? If so, then your misdirection is working and you can continue to point your finger and weapons at us. But we are not fooled. Not Nyet anyway”. ~~slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS HE CAN FOOL ALL OF THE PEOPLE ALL OF THE TIME

Washington, DC March 21, 2017
“Abraham Lincoln was wrong. He said, “You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time”. But I believe I can fool all of the people all of the time because that’s not really my intention. That’s because the truth is fungible. How do we really know how many dimensions there are? Who can tell if string theory permeates speech and actions? Are we really here? Right? Maybe, but probably not. So what so-called words am I speaking or writing that can be quantified in earthly linguistics? Do you truly know how you came to be? What is existence? Is it different for you than me? Can you be the judge of what is real in my world? Should you judge me? Or anyone? So it’s not really a psychic shell game, but a sorely needed shot of non-reality which coincides with the seeming reality we all may find ourselves in. Believe me.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS OBAMACARE BAD

Washington DC, March 12, 2017
“Obamacare is very very bad. Very bad. Sad even. Not redeemable in any way. A total mess. In a complete state of collapse. Totally over. Fortunately we will repeal and replace Obamacare with Trumpcare which will be a first class, high-end, total care plan. We will offer all kinds of healthcare packages for the American people. They will be very affordable. In fact each person will only buy what they can afford. No one and I repeat no one will be forced to buy any coverage at all. Buy whatever type of health coverage you like. If you like it buy it. Many people will go without and just roll the dice. That is their choice, right? We won’t force you to buy something that you don’t want like Obama did. You’re free now. Of course, if you buckle down, work hard, save and invest your money you can buy some of our gold and platinum packages with classy top-shelf healthcare and all the frills. That’s additional incentive to study, apply yourself and be fiscally disciplined. If not, you might need to go without or move to San Francisco and camp out near Nancy Pelosi’s house. She might fund a clinic for anyone who stops by. I’m more of a cash and carry type of guy. In any case, I always say don’t give a man a Band-Aid. Teach him how to heal a wound on his own and he’ll never have an open sore again.” ~~slater.com©

OBAMA DENIES BUGGING TRUMP

Washington, DC March 5, 2017
“I didn’t need to bug him. He can barely contain a single thought that enters his mind. He tweets more than Sasha and Malia combined. It’s like a Jr. High School girl with her first phone. Wire tap him? He bares his innermost soul to the world almost every single day. He says the embarrassing, shocking, hurtful thoughts that most adults have the good sense and self control to replace with common courtesy in polite society. Bug him? I’d rather play Barry Manilow albums backwards to see if there were any hidden messages. It would be more entertaining and productive. If I wanted to know what candidate Trump was saying about any topic, I could’ve turned on any channel at any time. The media he whines incessantly about propped him up into the premier cover girl with 2-3 billion dollars worth of free coverage during the campaign. More info on him? I think I’ve heard enough.” ~~slater.com©