Tag Archives: Trump

TRUMP SAYS MUELLER SHOULD FOCUS ON NORTH KOREA

Washington, DC May 2, 2018
“Why doesn’t Mueller just be more patriotic? Instead of looking into me, an American and the President, why not turn his attention to Kim? Using his energy fighting me, when we could team up and fight our adversaries together really makes more sense. Also, I’m not under investigation, I hear this from good sources. I have the best sources, so this is not a self serving statement. I’m willing to make peace with Mueller. Will he help me make peace with Kim?” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP PURPORTEDLY PLANNING PURGE OF PENCE

Washington DC March 16, 2018
“He’s not immune. VP’s can be canned by the P, and that’s me. Officially I’m not allowed to actually fire him because supposedly he is an elected official. Whatever. I think it is still possible to get my friends in Congress to help me move him out. It can be done. Am I just trying to make sure he stays on his toes? Maybe. But I’m also known for not liking people who think they have a clean reputation. He just seems to be staying on the sidelines waiting for something to implode and then take the reins. Guess what, if he is removed prior to my impeachment, I can appoint someone more to my liking. Someone who I can communicate with while I am in exile planning a Trump-like triumphant return. I tell all my people, nobody is safe, stay on your toes, make me look good, don’t hog the spotlight, don’t think you are better than me in any way and most of all – keep your bags packed”. ~~slater.com©

TRUMP TELLS EVERYONE TO CHILL OVER TRADE WAR

Washington, DC March 7, 2018
“Look rubes, just relax. You’re focusing too much on what I say. There is no connection between the words that exit my mouth and any actions that I might or might not take. I’m a micro-visionary. My world is what is happening right now. I give no thought to the future. None at all. So if you hear me say something about tariffs or anything else, it is only that moment I am referring to. Not the future. When we get to the future I’ll have more to say.” ~~slater.com©

TEACHER SAYS BRING ON THE GUNS

Washington, DC February 23, 2018
“We will carry in the classroom, but not concealed. Let’s get double duty out of these firearms. We think that it’s way past time for teachers in this country to get the respect they deserve from students. And with my cherished nickel-plated magnum sidearm neatly holstered in plain view, I think we’ll finally get it”. ~~slater.com©

OPRAH’S STUNNING ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT TRUMP TWEETS

Los Angeles, CA February 20, 2018
“It’s not him! Trump is not writing those tweets. I refused to believe that our leader would stoop so low and act like a petulant child. So I hired a psychological profiling firm to examine and analyze all the tweets that purportedly were written by my old friend Donald. The results are in. The profilers indicated that there is a 99% probability the the tweets were written by an 11 year old child, probably a girl. They said the catty juvenile language and immature word choices coupled with the childishly rebellious nature of the tweets helped them to make their determination. So friends, relax. The leader of our country is not an 11 year old girl. However, the author of the tweets apparently is.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP ORDERS MASSIVE MILITARY PARADE IN DC

Washington DC February 7, 2018
“I will show the world who can roll tanks down a street the best. The best, us. More tanks, more flags, more guns, more ammo, more cammo, you can’t keep up world, you won’t keep up with me militarily. I may not have been in the armed forces but nobody loves him a pageant more than I do. And I don’t see any reason to exclude the ladies from this show of force. They’re strong and tough, our girls. Yes they are. I’ve asked Ivanka to lead the parade dressed similarly to the statue of liberty but holding a gatling gun instead of a torch. Beautiful. Sorry, she’s taken boys. And there’ll be guns, oh lots of guns. I’ll be in my reviewing stand, looking down on the troops. I will work closely with the Pentagon for weeks if necessary to make sure the color combinations accentuate the DC light just right from every angle. Details, that’s what I’m known for, studying the little things and making sure I get everything just right. And I can’t think of anything more important to me right now than a big parade in honor of my first year in charge.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS LET THE KIDS PAY FOR THE TAX CUTS

Washington, DC December 20, 2017
“The kids didn’t build this country, we did. If this tax reduction bill increases the national debt by 1.5 Trillion dollars, so what. They should just consider it a past due invoice for services rendered. Someones got to pick up the check and it ain’t gonna be me.” ~~slater.com©

USA TODAY SAYS TRUMP UNFIT TO CLEAN TOILETS

Washington, DC December 13, 2017
“They’re right, I wouldn’t be a great choice for toilet work. I’ll leave that to the rest of the swamp. I’m clean, they’re sloshing around in the muck. People, you gotta stick with me. Don’t let this Kirsten Gillibrand run her mouth off without a response. You bet I’m gonna fight back and fight back hard. Your President is not a quitter. I won’t quit. I’ll say what I want whenever I want. I’m just trolling you anyway. In order to juice the ratings, I know just what will get you people all riled up. Right now while you think I’m down on the mat, I’m sitting on my couch laughing my head off. Sure I care about the country, just not as much as I love yanking your chains.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS WILL POPULATE NEWLY RELEASED UTAH PUBLIC LANDS WITH IMPORTED HERDS OF ELEPHANTS FOR HUNTING

Salt Lake City, Utah December 5, 2017
“Never before has a President cared for the land like I do. I want everyone to have access to these magnificent lands. Businessmen, hunters, frackers, diggers, miners, explorers, developers, like whoever, y’know? I’m tired of these lands being held in banks for posterity. Who is posterity and why do we care so much about him? I don’t and I’m putting my considerable weight behind a new plan to make these beautiful lands great again. Like when the dinosaurs roamed Utah hunting and wreaking havoc where ever they traveled, we will take a page from these big boys and follow suit. I will bring many breeding pairs of both Indian and African elephants to these preserves and release them for our American sportsman to battle. May the best rifle win. My sons cut off elephant tails when they go to Africa as a souvenir but now they will not need to leave our great nation. We’ll drill, frack, mine and hunt these lands like they have never been mined, hunted, drilled and fracked before. These Utah Federal lands will be turned back to the people like they always should have been. Let the people decide what will be the most fun and profitable usage, not fat cat bureaucrats in the district, right? Get your pick, shovel and muskets boys and let’s see if we can’t make some good use of this place. Right now it looks abandoned. What are we saving it for?” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP TAKES CREDIT FOR BITCOINS RISE

Washington, DC November 28, 2017
“I did it. I think everyone agrees with me. I’m responsible. Bitcoin hit $10,000 on some exchanges today. Where do you think it would be if I wasn’t in charge? Right, nowhere. I’ve always been good at making nothing seem like something and vice versa. Bitcoin was made for me. I mean maybe I’m that Satoshi guy. Can you prove I’m not? In any event, I’ve instructed the Philadelphia and Denver mints to begin to design new bitcoins with the distinct likeness of me for distribution in 2018. Like me, I expect the freshly pressed coins to be priceless.” ~~slater.com©