WARREN ATTRIBUTES RAPID FALL TO HER SOCIALISTIC EMBRACE

Washington, DC November 29, 2019
“I just don’t think people get it. Share and share alike. I’m from Oklahoma, part native American. We share. We share. C’mon people, get it, will ya? Give a little. Make money and then send it to me and my plan will set ya free. But nothing’s free people. Ya gotta believe me. Does Trump give you a plan? My plans have plans. I’m a planner. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail, ya hear me? Don’t be fooled, just send in your dough so I can bake you up a cake of solutions like only an Oklahoma Mama can. I had some turkey yesterday and I went around the table and emptied everyones pocket. They didn’t know how to apply their earnings to proper solutions for all people like I do. Send your money to me in Washington. I’ll do for others what you can’t do. Give me till it hurts and I’ll solve the hurts of millions whatever the cost. Bill Gates retired young and built a large charitable organization to allocate his massive resources to finding solutions to pressing problems all over the world. We must stop him from wasting those resources which belong to the people, not him. We must close down his so-called charity and have the proceeds sent to DC so the congress can properly apportion that money to the most-needed bills currently before the house. If we can remove the resources from citizens like Bill Gates who is hoarding dollars at his Seattle charity, we can immediately send that money to each State for equitable distribution in the peoples republic. We can do instantly what he should have done on his own. We’ll put it to good use right away and make the entire amount disappear like it was never there. Then onto the next billionaire for distribution.” ~~slater.com©

AOC PLANS TO SPEND JEFF BEZOS BILLIONS ON PET PROJECTS

New York, NY February 18, 2019
“I am still so excited about our huge victory over the richest man in the world! No one can say the little man can’t win anymore! We did it. And now we will allocate the Dollars where they are most needed. First to jobs training. We need jobs here in Queens. We’ve got to put our people to work. Education is next. We have to educate our citizens to be ready for any corporation that may want to set up shop here in Queens where I was elected. Remember, luck is just where preparation meets opportunity. We never know when a large employer from a distant place might choose our city for their far-flung operations, maybe even a new headquarters! Yes, it is rare for an entrenched company to move tens of thousands of potential positions to a new location. It is expensive and time consuming but we must be ready. Now that we have saved the 3 billion dollars that we would have had to give Jeff Bezos we can build schools and training centers – maybe even some health clinics for our citizens. Bottom line, we will allocate the money and keep it out of the greedy hands of entrepreneurs and so-called business people. We, the duly elected representatives of the people, will begin these programs as soon as I am informed where the 3 billion dollars that we were going to credit Amazon with is being held. After they tell me where it is, I’ll post a photo on instagram so you can all see the pile of cash, and then as we spend it, I’ll show you the people coming in to cart it away so we can build all our new facilities and programs”. ~~slater.com©

TRUMP TO STOP IMPRISONING CHILDREN

Washington DC January 7, 2019
“All the uproar over these illegal children storming our borders is pointless. These kids and their families are breaking the law, not me. I’m not guilty, they are. How come if they are illegally crossing the border and we throw them in fenced pens inside abandoned Walmarts, I’m to blame? Remember, I’m a citizen, they’re not. I’ve got American rights, they don’t. I don’t know who they are. I don’t know where they’re from. What exactly do you want me to do? I’m the chief law enforcement officer for this country, so I lock ’em up. Whatever age they are, wherever they’re from, whoever they are. We’ve rented large abandoned buildings and installed indoor fencing to hold ’em till we can figure out how to send em back wherever it is they came from. I mean the parents are charged as adult illegals and sent to prison, but we can’t send the kids to prison so we pen ’em up in those stores, but everyone’s complaining about the conditions. I don’t see everyone stepping up to house these kids, besides we can’t really release them into anyone’s custody but their parents anyway, so our hands are tied. Now if you’d have given me my wall right away, they wouldn’t even be here now, would they? No. So whose fault is it? Not mine. Anyway, I’m tired of the complaining about the conditions of these separated pened up children. We won’t do it anymore, I’m pretty sure of that. We just need to try and find out where the parents are so we can get them back together. It is a very dramatic ending to this episode and I want to capture all the overflowing emotions during the tearful reunions. I’m pretty sure the press will focus on nothing but this happy ending for a good long time.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP WORKS WITH MUSK TO SPEED IMMIGRANT DEPARTURES

Washington, DC November 1, 2018
“Today I called entrepreneur Elon Musk to advise him of my intention to sign with his company for a pet project of mine. I will announce soon that Musk’s Boring Company will build for me and the US a high-speed underground rail line that will move people directly to Mexico quickly and in short order. This new innovation will reduce the time it takes to reverse the tide of unwashed masses hurtling toward our shining shores. These aliens will be sent back without prejudice, favor or discrimination. Just based on the legal facts, that’s all. I was asked by the press if my mother was a legal citizen at my birth as well as the mothers of 4 of my 5 children. I believe they all were, but if it is proven that the marriages were invalid for cause, then I agree that me and 4 of my children will be amongst the first load on the underground railway out of the country. This rule must apply to everyone including the elite like me. I have informed 4 of my children and they are unhappy but will comply if necessary. Meanwhile the weather in Mexico is very nice and we can fly anywhere we wish to if it doesn’t work out there. Wherever we Trumps go though, success will follow and we will be the cream that rises to the top in any environment. If you stop winning after we leave don’t say I didn’t warn you.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP TELLS FED TO STOP TIGHTENING

Washington, DC October 12, 2018
“I hired that punk and look at how he’s thanking me. I cut corporate taxes and tariffed anything that moved to get jobs and growth back here. Now my own people are against me. They say they’re worried about the future, about our children. They don’t want them drowning in debt. They want to head off so called inflation. To me inflation just means our companies can get more money from selling stuff. Higher prices mean more profits, right? More profits means higher stock markets. I say, let the good times roll now. These kids are so smart always staring at their hand computers or whatever they’re doing. Let them figure a way out later. For now, it’s Trump Time. Drinks all around, except me. Enjoy.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS MUELLER SHOULD FOCUS ON NORTH KOREA

Washington, DC May 2, 2018
“Why doesn’t Mueller just be more patriotic? Instead of looking into me, an American and the President, why not turn his attention to Kim? Using his energy fighting me, when we could team up and fight our adversaries together really makes more sense. Also, I’m not under investigation, I hear this from good sources. I have the best sources, so this is not a self serving statement. I’m willing to make peace with Mueller. Will he help me make peace with Kim?” ~~slater.com©

TIM COOK SAYS MY BAD ON IPHONE

Cupertino, CA April 24, 2018
“Ooops. Yes iPhone demand is way down and I take full responsibility. I thought that fashion and style would eclipse function and usability. But it looks like the people want both. And they seem to prefer function over style which I wouldn’t have guessed. Also, there have been some unintended consequences. Like, uh, by removing all the buttons and jacks, we are extending the life of the phones. One of the primary reasons people replace their old phones was all the crud and stuff that builds up on the key pad and other dimpled surfaces. Now that it’s just a sheet of glass, they are simply windexing it and good as new. We, of course, try to make them obsolete by not supporting older software, but they can still be used for quite a while severely impacting our sales going forward. And so many other vendors have copied our look and feel. Now the only point of differentiation is our ecosystem but with so many apps it is proving to be overwhelming. Many users just don’t even bother to self-curate. Plus Android has the majority market share and our ecosystem is increasingly available on their phones as well. Anyway we’ll figure it out or come up with the next big thing. I thought the watch might be it but we’re getting so good at miniaturization that it can easily be made into a phone but that doesn’t really help because the better the watch gets, the less necessary the iPhone is at all. Obviously that would eat into our other sales big time. But if we don’t and someone else does, iPhone sales still get cannibalized. In the meantime we’ll innovate, innovate, innovate by introducing new colors and fabrics for our stylish watchbands so you know we’ll stay at the forefront of tech. That and we’ve got a quarter of a trillion dollars cushion of runway before we need to panic.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP PURPORTEDLY PLANNING PURGE OF PENCE

Washington DC March 16, 2018
“He’s not immune. VP’s can be canned by the P, and that’s me. Officially I’m not allowed to actually fire him because supposedly he is an elected official. Whatever. I think it is still possible to get my friends in Congress to help me move him out. It can be done. Am I just trying to make sure he stays on his toes? Maybe. But I’m also known for not liking people who think they have a clean reputation. He just seems to be staying on the sidelines waiting for something to implode and then take the reins. Guess what, if he is removed prior to my impeachment, I can appoint someone more to my liking. Someone who I can communicate with while I am in exile planning a Trump-like triumphant return. I tell all my people, nobody is safe, stay on your toes, make me look good, don’t hog the spotlight, don’t think you are better than me in any way and most of all – keep your bags packed”. ~~slater.com©

TRUMP TWITTERS TOODALOO TO TILLERSON

Washington DC March 13, 2018
“Told Tillerson to take time to travel throughout Texas. Didn’t have time to meet with him in person. I would have liked to point at him and do the whole bit but I am the President. Gotta stay on schedule. Anyway he’s out along with a few other people. I’m just fine tuning this machine. We’re almost there. When I saw the ratings on the Bachelor, I knew I would have to make some dramatic moves.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP TELLS EVERYONE TO CHILL OVER TRADE WAR

Washington, DC March 7, 2018
“Look rubes, just relax. You’re focusing too much on what I say. There is no connection between the words that exit my mouth and any actions that I might or might not take. I’m a micro-visionary. My world is what is happening right now. I give no thought to the future. None at all. So if you hear me say something about tariffs or anything else, it is only that moment I am referring to. Not the future. When we get to the future I’ll have more to say.” ~~slater.com©