HILLARY TRIES TO STEAL BERNIES FORMULA FOR COOL

New York, NY April 10, 2016
“We didn’t do it. Of all the things I’ve been accused of over all these years in politics, this takes the cake. We’re not trying to steal or emulate Bernies cool factor. Whatever he’s doing or saying that gives him the youth mojo is beyond me but I’ve just got to be whatever I am and I’m certainly not trying to act like anyone else. Look I know that Bernie is the it girl right now but I’ve got gravitas. Gravitas is what a President needs and experience of course and I have a boat load of both of these key ingredients. You want the kids waving signs and demanding free college, call him. You want a President with decades of real on-the-ground experience with leaders of all stripes from around the world, I’m your man – so to speak. OK I get it, kids are altruistic, hopeful, energetic and moral. I remember the feeling. But once you see how the sausage gets made, you become a little more of a realist, trust me. Watching what goes into the political meat grinder isn’t pretty but a good recipe can yield a great tasting meal no matter what it looks like going in. You want someone from the green hills of Vermont belting out a tune from the Sound of Music or a time-tested hardcore DC political dynamo like me? You want hopes and dreams and free stuff from your beloved Bern or a well-seasoned slightly jaded realist who can operate the levers of power in the nations capital? You know I could become a little more unkempt. Let my hair blow in the wind. Wear the same clothes day after day. Be defiant. Act all holier than thou and self righteous. But I need to project potential Presidentiality. I won’t go out and speak to an audience looking like I just woke up. I won’t do it. There’s a difference between a little casual Friday and a disrespectful demeanor. I’d like to think that I can be informal at the appropriate times but by and large this election is about who will lead the free world for four or possibly eight years. I will not forgo the dignity of my hotel room just to pitch a tent and unroll my sleeping bag in Central Park like Bernie is. I won’t sleep in the dirt just to super-pander to the Birkenstock beach club. Of course I do recognize that I am walking a fine line here as I will ultimately need Bernies kids to vote for me. So I need to somehow keep my chin up while he defeats me in state after state. The party presciently put super-delegates in place decades ago to avoid a brief but powerful swell of unwanted populism. This means I have already all but won the nomination. But I need to keep up the image of a struggle to give a kind of psudo-credit to Bernie and his groupies. It’s like walking on a silk tightrope. I kinda already won but my opponent semi-controls a big part of the audience I’ll need for my ultimate Presidential victory. So I can scold him and send him to his room but not too harshly. I can ground him but not the night of a good concert. But I can’t afford to push him too far away from me. That’s because after I’m declared the Democratic nominee, we’ll kill the fatted calf and welcome our wayward son home to the party with open arms”. —slater.com©