Tag Archives: Clinton


Detroit, MI September 4, 2016
“No, I have been and will remain totally focused. Being me doesn’t mean being anyone else. It means that I will project my insides outward for an aura of total honesty and trustworthiness. I completely deny that I want to be everything to everyone. Although as a salesman it is tempting to satisfy your audience and make the sale. I have been known to close a deal or two and then revert to my original plan. But let me tell you this, if my original plan was good then who cares. I mean what has anybody got to lose anyway? I’m me and I can get it done. You know it and I know it. Getting it done overrides following any game plan that may have been created by something that I might have said. Remember, I said it – so who would know what I meant better than me? And if I change my mind? Do you believe that only a lady can do that? That’s sexism. Rampant sexism and I won’t stand for it. Look however it turns out, don’t rely on some dopey speech I may have given or some plan you read about. Instead look for me to move the ball down the field and score the goal. Stop nitpicking about me saying one thing to one group and something else to another. In the end, if you elect me, you already know that I’ll do whatever I want whenever I want to. It’s less about a scattershot approach and more about winning. The ends justify the means, right? If you agree with me, vote for me and then let me worry about it.” —slater.com©


Ashburn, VA August 2, 2016
“I’m not crazy. She’s the devil, not me. She’s the one you should be looking at for testing. Get the demons out of Hillary, not me. I can control mine. I’m likely the sanest man on the planet. I’m very successful. I have a mansion and a yacht. Is anyone more successful than me? Not really. My head is screwed on straight. I’ve got it together. I’m my own man and build big things all over. People hire my company to consult. Do you usually pay millions of dollars to someone who is unstable? Stability is what I’m paid for. Keeping things on the up and up. On the straight and narrow. In a pigs eye I’m nuts. They’re nuttier than a fruitcake. Get my wallet from my jacket, I’ll show you who’s crazy. Here look do you see a business card from my shrink? See no shrink. I’m probably like the number one sanest person on this continent. Could I lend my name to developers if my name was no good? I beat all comers fair and square like I always do. Hillary should be committed not me. I take some meds to stay level, does she? Maybe the media should focus on Hillary’s stability not mine. I’m fully covered by my health plan and get all the medication I need. Nobody sleeps 4 hours and flies around like me. I’m everywhere. I don’t care if they legalize pot in Colorado or wherever. That’s not my prime concern. I got bigger fish to fry. There are a lot of Republicans that haven’t heard the last of me either. Drugs or no drugs I’ll take a medical test or drug test or whatever. Bring it on. I’m mentally competent. I’m the #1 most mentally competent man in the country. Nobody is more stable, even-tempered and likable than me. People form crowds wherever I go. People like me. I’m likable. Like me or don’t and I’ll return the favor at some point believe me. Get in line but be ready for blowback losers. I don’t let it roll off my back like water off a duck. I keep records. And remember insanity is not a plea or a defense, it’s just a state of mind if you can comprehend my stream of consciousness dynamic earthbound rhetorical diatribes with love and comfort but not the enemy cause that’s Hillary not me and whatever’s got a grip on her from inside get it out.” —slater.com©


Cleveland, OH July 21, 2016
“Vote your heart for freedom. Hear the bell of the people ringing and pull the lever with my name on it or write me in for the love of country. You know in your heart that only I can espouse and then execute on true conservative principles. Not Donald Trump or his thoughtless minions. It has to be me. I’m still available as a write-in. Use your voting power to send a message to Donald and his followers that we will not move. We will not be shaken. We will not change our positions for the convenience of the moment. Fly the Cruz flag next to the Stars and Stripes proudly. And if somehow I don’t get enough write-in votes to ascend to the Presidency and Hillary is elected then I can always try again in 2020. Remember I’m all about you and the USA not self-centered like the Donald. Vote your conscience fellow citizens.” —slater.com©


Washington, DC May 22, 2016
“I’m not sure I want to win now. I mean even if I’m victorious and become the first female Commander in Chief, I’d be presiding over a population many of whom would elect a known con-man game-show host to lead them. Look, what am I supposed to do with these rubes? They can be manipulated, connived and convinced to turn over the keys to our arsenal to someone with zero experience and a track record of deception that goes back decades. He even wrote proudly about it in his series of how-to books. Bragging about it really. Saying he had men move around equipment at a future casino site to give the appearance to bankers that his project was underway so that he could borrow money from them. That’s what a con is. Building up confidence in something or someone based on untrue statements or illusions. I mean ask him. He’s not shy about it. So, I’m in a quandary. Even if I win, I’d be leading millions of people who bought the line Trump was selling and wanted him as their leader. I mean they know he makes many of his products overseas and then rails at companies that do the same. He vets his VP candidates by requiring their tax returns but he won’t reveal his own. It’s a do what I say not what I do mentality and his followers just don’t seem to care. I’ll keep running but exactly what kind of a population do I get if I win?” —slater.com©


New York, NY April 18, 2016
“We’ve got to make a change here. I mean these guys running the GOP are acting like a third world country. They’re also boring. Republicans need someone like me with a little color. A little pizazz and a little oomph. If the convention is just a big show then who in the party should be the ringmaster? If I’ve been accused of being a circus huckster why not use me to pump up the volume? I can rock Cleveland and get the crowd going. I told Reince that we need to play to our strengths and I’m the showman and he knows it. I’m the only cross-over candidate that’s working in Politics today. The last showman in the biz was Ronny Reagan. President of the Screen Actors Guild and Hollywood prince. That boy could act. He could communicate and he could get a crowd moving in the right direction. I’m his natural heir. There’s no doubt in my mind that I am the new Reagan and I have the cross-over Democrats to prove it. Let’s have a party in Cleveland for the ages and stick together to bring down the house, so to speak. Hillary won’t stand a chance against me when I’m running the GOP because I don’t pull punches and I don’t hold back. She will be toast if I’m in charge. Y’know the President is the defacto leader of the party. I figure if I have the most delegates then most of the people want me to lead the party. There’s no reason to wait for the election. We should move to put someone in charge of the party other than Reince. He needs to go and I mean now. How is he helping us? In what way? He lets lying Ted get away with all kinds of stuff and let’s face it – the party is in almost total disarray. I mean look up the meaning of disarray. A party needs to be arrayed not disarrayed. Since he has already failed he needs to be moved out pronto and but quick. Let’s temporarily leave me in charge so we can smoothly and with a little flair put on a great show for the country broadcast live from Cleveland. I’ll run the convention like a pro and if by chance I don’t win, I’ll bow out gracefully”. —slater.com©


New York, NY April 10, 2016
“We didn’t do it. Of all the things I’ve been accused of over all these years in politics, this takes the cake. We’re not trying to steal or emulate Bernies cool factor. Whatever he’s doing or saying that gives him the youth mojo is beyond me but I’ve just got to be whatever I am and I’m certainly not trying to act like anyone else. Look I know that Bernie is the it girl right now but I’ve got gravitas. Gravitas is what a President needs and experience of course and I have a boat load of both of these key ingredients. You want the kids waving signs and demanding free college, call him. You want a President with decades of real on-the-ground experience with leaders of all stripes from around the world, I’m your man – so to speak. OK I get it, kids are altruistic, hopeful, energetic and moral. I remember the feeling. But once you see how the sausage gets made, you become a little more of a realist, trust me. Watching what goes into the political meat grinder isn’t pretty but a good recipe can yield a great tasting meal no matter what it looks like going in. You want someone from the green hills of Vermont belting out a tune from the Sound of Music or a time-tested hardcore DC political dynamo like me? You want hopes and dreams and free stuff from your beloved Bern or a well-seasoned slightly jaded realist who can operate the levers of power in the nations capital? You know I could become a little more unkempt. Let my hair blow in the wind. Wear the same clothes day after day. Be defiant. Act all holier than thou and self righteous. But I need to project potential Presidentiality. I won’t go out and speak to an audience looking like I just woke up. I won’t do it. There’s a difference between a little casual Friday and a disrespectful demeanor. I’d like to think that I can be informal at the appropriate times but by and large this election is about who will lead the free world for four or possibly eight years. I will not forgo the dignity of my hotel room just to pitch a tent and unroll my sleeping bag in Central Park like Bernie is. I won’t sleep in the dirt just to super-pander to the Birkenstock beach club. Of course I do recognize that I am walking a fine line here as I will ultimately need Bernies kids to vote for me. So I need to somehow keep my chin up while he defeats me in state after state. The party presciently put super-delegates in place decades ago to avoid a brief but powerful swell of unwanted populism. This means I have already all but won the nomination. But I need to keep up the image of a struggle to give a kind of psudo-credit to Bernie and his groupies. It’s like walking on a silk tightrope. I kinda already won but my opponent semi-controls a big part of the audience I’ll need for my ultimate Presidential victory. So I can scold him and send him to his room but not too harshly. I can ground him but not the night of a good concert. But I can’t afford to push him too far away from me. That’s because after I’m declared the Democratic nominee, we’ll kill the fatted calf and welcome our wayward son home to the party with open arms”. —slater.com©


Palm Beach, FL March 6, 2016
“I’m through with those weak sisters in the GOP. I belong to the GNP. I’ve had it up to here with CPAC and their marching orders. They can follow me now. CPAC elites and the rest of the Romneyettes can jump in a lake for all I care. They don’t have the following and they don’t have the votes. But I do. You may not like me but if enough of a special group of people do then I’ll be downsizing and moving into the White House. Oh, who are those special people? I like to call them voters. If I get the votes I’ll turn this country upside down and inside out. You think I don’t remember all the insults you’ve all been throwing at me all these years. Partying all night and laughing it up? Well get ready for a new Trump 10PM curfew journalists. You like to type false things about me? Now you’ll have more time all tucked into your little apartments with your little laptops trying to think of things that will get my followers to turn on me. Good luck because in the movie The Fifth Element, the priest asked the President not to shoot at the dark planet because it would absorb the negative energy and become stronger. Have you noticed the same thing happening here? You’re through writers and so called journalists, it’s a Trumponian world now. Happened faster than you thought it could? George W. Bushes two oceans didn’t protect you from me? Yeah, you’ll keep trying. No I won’t burn your precious books. Me I’m not much of a reader. But thanks to Amazon most so called books are really just easily disrupted and modified ones and zeros. My people are working on that now. Once elected we can federally override security protocols and make the necessary changes so my name and my rules will be the order of the day. No not like North Korea exactly because I don’t expect to turn the country over to my son, but I’m not ruling that out. And no prison farms or things like that at least I don’t think so right now. There’s gonna be some changes though, rest assured of that. We’ll be getting great deals on everything and many great people will be in my administration, the best people we have – better than anyone elses people believe me. Just follow my dictates and tow the line. But we are gonna have some fun in Cleveland, right? They’ll try a little misdirection and some dry ice special effects but when the fog clears, I’ll be standing on that stage and all hail Caesar.” —slater.com©


Trenton, NJ February 28, 2016
Chris Christie restated his formal endorsement in Texas for businessman and Republican Presidential hopeful Donald Trump. “Look, I’m a straight talker you know that. Yeah I think I’d make a better President than Donald. Everyone running thinks they’re the best so what’s new. The reality is you’ve also got to be a realist. My main concern is that I have offended the people of New Jersey by signing up to be their Governor and then went and tried to get another job in a very public way. Of course they’re angry. It’s just human nature. I’d want the guy I hired to be at work and to get things done. And yeah we’re accomplishing stuff but let’s be real, probably not as much as if I was exclusively focused on being Governor of New Jersey. So with the residents of my state agitated and my Presidential ambitions currently suspended, I took a breath and realized that Vice President of the United States doesn’t sound too bad. Now understand this, Donald did not make any concrete promises, but I think we’re simpatico on many issues and quite frankly we’d make a great team. I’m a loyal guy and Donald respects loyalists. And the thing is whether or not you believe he can get done the things he has promised to do, his track record in terms of completing promised projects is pretty good. When I saw him initially adopting the same Make America Great Again slogan as Hitler used, it did kind of offend me, but hey I’m from New Jersey and if there’s one thing we know here it’s keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” —slater©


Miami, Fl February 23, 2016
Today former Florida Governor Jeb Bush commented outside his Miami campaign HQ. “I only said I was suspending my campaign. I’m a long way from out. I’m actually still very much alive. I’m hovering around being an active player but right now I’m circling but not quite ready to jump back into the fray. A lot of people confuse suspending a campaign with abandoning a campaign. I in no way ever used the word abandon. That’s just not my style. I said I would see this through to the end and that’s just what I’m going to do. Remember they still need to choose a VP and my Dad was Regans VP and that didn’t work out too bad now did it? So don’t count me out and don’t try to pigeon hole me. I may seem like I’ve stepped aside but the way I see it Donald Trump doesn’t wind up being the President. Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz may have citizenship problems. I mean Ted Cruz was a sitting US Senator while he was a citizen of another country. He wasn’t born here and we’re not sure whether Marco has some illegal immigration issues or not. I mean we just don’t know. So what about Dr. Carson? Nice guy but so many concerns it’s not really conceivable that he could emerge. That leaves Kasich. I’m seeing Bush/Kasich or even Kasich/Bush. I can’t say why but I’m feelin like that could be my ticket out of this mess. I can’t go up to Kennebunkport this summer a total loser. I’ve got to save face somehow. I mean my Dad has SS protection and my Brother has all his agents around plus former Presidents get updates on what’s going on which they are prohibited from talking to me about. So you think I’m going to watch my Father and Brother walk into the den and close the door, lock me out and post a guard while they are privy to the most important issues of our day? NO. I suffered a lot of injustice and embarrassment during this campaign so far but I’m not going away so fast. One way or another I’m still thinking that the Bush Clinton feud ain’t over.” —slater.com©


WASHINGTON D.C. October 23, 2015
Republican bloodbath hopes were dashed yesterday as Hillary Clinton sustained 11 hours of verbal assault aimed squarely at derailing her Presidential aspirations. A Republican party source confided today that spending more taxpayer dollars on Benghazi was not looking like our greatest idea. He said, “I mean we’re beyond watergate at this point. It’s starting to come back around at us and as my friend Nelly likes to say, it’s getting hot in here”. He continued, “You see with the Regan barracks attack and 9/11 and such, we kinda felt like we needed to maintain our Republicans will keep you safe mantra. So we’ve been looking for something to leech onto. We got this Benghazi situation and we’ve been trying to milk it like it’s the last cow alive in the barn and the kids haven’t eaten in days. But the milk is going sour on us as it appears that unbeknownst to us this Hillary would turn out to be the only one in the room who could take the heat. Go figure. I mean we thought for sure she’d crack under the lights with all of us sitting up on high yelling down at her. But she held her own, I mean don’t tell anyone I said that, please. And we never expected that even our base would reject our attempts to connect Hillary with the murder of 4 Americans including her friends. Usually they just roll with Fox’s talking points. But we’re sensing something different this time and it’s making us somewhat uncomfortable. I mean I was squarely for Trump before yesterday but now even I’m starting to think that it might take someone with her kind of experience to lead us out of this international mess that happened under W and others mind you. Again, this is just between us. Anyway, some of us are trying to figure out a way to bow out of Benghazi without losing face, but right now everytime we bring it up, I think we are adding points to Hillary’s side. We have some other options that we are pursuing right now in private session. We are considering re-opening the Whitewater investigation as well as the cattle futures mess and some of the issues concerning her family members that have been caught fibbing in the past. We’ll tar and feather her with all we’ve got and if that don’t work we’ll run her out of town on a rail. This isn’t about winning for all the American people anymore. This is about winning for our American people. Coming together is now anathema to our party. Winning means that the Democrats lose and if that takes our neighbors down with it, so be it.” —slater.com©