Tag Archives: Democratic nomination


New York, NY April 23, 2016
“I’ve had it with us accepting the hungry, tired and poor. Let them eat and get some rest where they were born. That statue is like a wretched billboard attracting just the kind of people we could very well do without. You know what I mean. I already know what you’re gonna say. Donald, your parents came from Germany and Scotland and were welcomed with open arms. Yeah, that was then when people of upstanding character came to the US with a debt to repay by working hard, learning to speak English and respecting the integrity of the nations culture. Now it’s a free for all where divergent goups gather together and set up armed war camps here in the US where they hate the very country that takes them in. And they grope onto every free handout program that we set up for the truly disadvantaged causing less resources to be available for those seriously in need and already here. I will admit that the statue is a nice piece of handiwork. It’s really too nice to leave to rust in the harbor. As a token of my gratitude to France and out of brotherly love I will dismantle the statue, pack up the pieces and fund an armed flotilla returning it to the very country that created it for them to do with as they see fit. I will replace the statue with a similarly sized statue bearing the distinct likeness of me, at my own expense of course. This new statue will represent the will of the people overturning the unfair rules of the Republican Party. As long as that statue of me remains standing in that spot everyone will know that an immigrant family can arrive in America virtually penniless and bear a son who can rise to be the richest most powerful man on the planet, GOP notwithstanding. The plaque at the base of the new statue of me will read in part: Bring us your best. We are the greatest country on earth and we are recruiting for the smartest, kindest, most industrious, inventive, healthy, hard working, loyal citizens on the planet. We charge an admission fee of 15% of your earnings – plus all applicable Federal and State taxes – for the first 10 years you are here and if you have been an upstanding individual and are all paid up you can become a citizen as long as you speak fluent English and can pass a brief history test including my life story. I am especially excited to get this copper lady back to France as I honor the original sculptor, Frédéric Auguste Bartholdi by restoring the statue to its rightful homeland. Bartholdi’s true intentions for the metal colossus were to highlight the liberty of the US and inspire France to move away from a repressive monarchy while calling for true Democracy. It is my hope that returning Lady Liberty to France will finally show that her work here in the US is done and that her new assignment must be in her homeland where her light can shine brightly for another 130 years.” —slater.com©


New York, NY April 18, 2016
“We’ve got to make a change here. I mean these guys running the GOP are acting like a third world country. They’re also boring. Republicans need someone like me with a little color. A little pizazz and a little oomph. If the convention is just a big show then who in the party should be the ringmaster? If I’ve been accused of being a circus huckster why not use me to pump up the volume? I can rock Cleveland and get the crowd going. I told Reince that we need to play to our strengths and I’m the showman and he knows it. I’m the only cross-over candidate that’s working in Politics today. The last showman in the biz was Ronny Reagan. President of the Screen Actors Guild and Hollywood prince. That boy could act. He could communicate and he could get a crowd moving in the right direction. I’m his natural heir. There’s no doubt in my mind that I am the new Reagan and I have the cross-over Democrats to prove it. Let’s have a party in Cleveland for the ages and stick together to bring down the house, so to speak. Hillary won’t stand a chance against me when I’m running the GOP because I don’t pull punches and I don’t hold back. She will be toast if I’m in charge. Y’know the President is the defacto leader of the party. I figure if I have the most delegates then most of the people want me to lead the party. There’s no reason to wait for the election. We should move to put someone in charge of the party other than Reince. He needs to go and I mean now. How is he helping us? In what way? He lets lying Ted get away with all kinds of stuff and let’s face it – the party is in almost total disarray. I mean look up the meaning of disarray. A party needs to be arrayed not disarrayed. Since he has already failed he needs to be moved out pronto and but quick. Let’s temporarily leave me in charge so we can smoothly and with a little flair put on a great show for the country broadcast live from Cleveland. I’ll run the convention like a pro and if by chance I don’t win, I’ll bow out gracefully”. —slater.com©


New York, NY April 14, 2016
“I’m not gonna let them steal this election from the people without a fight! This country belongs to the people of the United States. All the people of the United States. Not just the millionaires and billionaires. Hillary wants a war. She got it! So one of the speakers at my rally in Washington Square Park last night made a comment that she took personally. It was about what you call someone who sells themselves for money. Hey guess what Hillary? What do you think would be appropriate to call someone who does just that? Yeah, maybe a slightly nicer word but the meaning is the same. You give speeches to Verizon, Goldman Sachs you name it. These speeches are really bribes for future favors. What? How dare you call speeches bribes, right? Look, what kind of an ego do you need to really believe that companies and countries really want to hear what you have to say to the tune of millions of dollars. They, as you know, are just trying to curry favor with you now and in the future. You’re looking for their backing and they’re looking for you to promote their agenda or at least not stop their progress. Oh don’t worry Hill dear, I wasn’t intimating that it’s just you. Do you really believe that Japan needed to give Ronald Reagan millions of dollars after he left office to hear him restate what he freely spoke of when in office. Hillary this is your establishments way of accepting dignified bribes. You and the Republicans aren’t fooling anyone. This is boldfaced lobbying and outright influence peddling. In the third world bribes are handed off in satchels full of cash. In your straight-laced above-board inner circle these payments are thoroughly washed by fronting them with business and speaking opportunities. It’s nothing more than a storefront for the political elite of both parties. Hey guess what Hill? The cat’s out of the bag. You are exposed. OK, you may wind up being President but the curtain is gonna be pulled back by me now and after the election as well. And please don’t let one of the unfortunate situations happen to me that seem to follow people on your enemies list. My thunderous youthful minions will run towards your White House with torches ablaze if you try it. Hey, here’s an idea. Why not work with us instead of falling back into your old ways? End on a high note for a change. Be authentic. Be real. Don’t be the eternal chameleon. Try reaching down into your own soul and finding your true self. You may just like what’s there. You probably haven’t seen it in a while. Get re-introduced. Either way though, I’m not going away. You’re gonna need to deal with me now and in the future. You will invite me to the White House for progressive talks. I’ll make it easy for you to recognize me when I get there. I’ll be the same person I’ve been for the last 50 years. Saying the same things. Authentically me. And I’ll be wearing the same suit and tie as well”. —slater.com©


New York, NY April 10, 2016
“We didn’t do it. Of all the things I’ve been accused of over all these years in politics, this takes the cake. We’re not trying to steal or emulate Bernies cool factor. Whatever he’s doing or saying that gives him the youth mojo is beyond me but I’ve just got to be whatever I am and I’m certainly not trying to act like anyone else. Look I know that Bernie is the it girl right now but I’ve got gravitas. Gravitas is what a President needs and experience of course and I have a boat load of both of these key ingredients. You want the kids waving signs and demanding free college, call him. You want a President with decades of real on-the-ground experience with leaders of all stripes from around the world, I’m your man – so to speak. OK I get it, kids are altruistic, hopeful, energetic and moral. I remember the feeling. But once you see how the sausage gets made, you become a little more of a realist, trust me. Watching what goes into the political meat grinder isn’t pretty but a good recipe can yield a great tasting meal no matter what it looks like going in. You want someone from the green hills of Vermont belting out a tune from the Sound of Music or a time-tested hardcore DC political dynamo like me? You want hopes and dreams and free stuff from your beloved Bern or a well-seasoned slightly jaded realist who can operate the levers of power in the nations capital? You know I could become a little more unkempt. Let my hair blow in the wind. Wear the same clothes day after day. Be defiant. Act all holier than thou and self righteous. But I need to project potential Presidentiality. I won’t go out and speak to an audience looking like I just woke up. I won’t do it. There’s a difference between a little casual Friday and a disrespectful demeanor. I’d like to think that I can be informal at the appropriate times but by and large this election is about who will lead the free world for four or possibly eight years. I will not forgo the dignity of my hotel room just to pitch a tent and unroll my sleeping bag in Central Park like Bernie is. I won’t sleep in the dirt just to super-pander to the Birkenstock beach club. Of course I do recognize that I am walking a fine line here as I will ultimately need Bernies kids to vote for me. So I need to somehow keep my chin up while he defeats me in state after state. The party presciently put super-delegates in place decades ago to avoid a brief but powerful swell of unwanted populism. This means I have already all but won the nomination. But I need to keep up the image of a struggle to give a kind of psudo-credit to Bernie and his groupies. It’s like walking on a silk tightrope. I kinda already won but my opponent semi-controls a big part of the audience I’ll need for my ultimate Presidential victory. So I can scold him and send him to his room but not too harshly. I can ground him but not the night of a good concert. But I can’t afford to push him too far away from me. That’s because after I’m declared the Democratic nominee, we’ll kill the fatted calf and welcome our wayward son home to the party with open arms”. —slater.com©


Madison Wisconsin April 6, 2016
“You think I don’t know who did this? Believe me I know. I knew before they even counted the votes. The RNC thinks it’s pretty clever and nobody would notice. But guess what RNC, you won nuthin with your fake front man Lyin Ted. We all know that you won’t nominate him. He’s just a lever for you to try and remove me from contention. But it won’t work. The people are too smart for your outdated parlor tricks. It’s plain as day to anyone watching. You are making sure I won’t have the delegates pre-convention by funneling votes to Cruz. Everyone already knows this – except Lyin Ted – who’s massively oversized ego (and I’d know) is allowing him and his people to believe that the most despised politician in Washington could get the votes to be the leader. The media calls me the Emperor with no clothes, but Ted is the Emperor with NO CLUE. He is happy to go along with this charade for as long as he can as there is no other way for him to be taken seriously albeit for just a few months. Then he can go back to his do-nothing grandstanding reading childrens books to an empty Senate while Rome burns”. —slater.com©


Palm Beach, FL March 6, 2016
“I’m through with those weak sisters in the GOP. I belong to the GNP. I’ve had it up to here with CPAC and their marching orders. They can follow me now. CPAC elites and the rest of the Romneyettes can jump in a lake for all I care. They don’t have the following and they don’t have the votes. But I do. You may not like me but if enough of a special group of people do then I’ll be downsizing and moving into the White House. Oh, who are those special people? I like to call them voters. If I get the votes I’ll turn this country upside down and inside out. You think I don’t remember all the insults you’ve all been throwing at me all these years. Partying all night and laughing it up? Well get ready for a new Trump 10PM curfew journalists. You like to type false things about me? Now you’ll have more time all tucked into your little apartments with your little laptops trying to think of things that will get my followers to turn on me. Good luck because in the movie The Fifth Element, the priest asked the President not to shoot at the dark planet because it would absorb the negative energy and become stronger. Have you noticed the same thing happening here? You’re through writers and so called journalists, it’s a Trumponian world now. Happened faster than you thought it could? George W. Bushes two oceans didn’t protect you from me? Yeah, you’ll keep trying. No I won’t burn your precious books. Me I’m not much of a reader. But thanks to Amazon most so called books are really just easily disrupted and modified ones and zeros. My people are working on that now. Once elected we can federally override security protocols and make the necessary changes so my name and my rules will be the order of the day. No not like North Korea exactly because I don’t expect to turn the country over to my son, but I’m not ruling that out. And no prison farms or things like that at least I don’t think so right now. There’s gonna be some changes though, rest assured of that. We’ll be getting great deals on everything and many great people will be in my administration, the best people we have – better than anyone elses people believe me. Just follow my dictates and tow the line. But we are gonna have some fun in Cleveland, right? They’ll try a little misdirection and some dry ice special effects but when the fog clears, I’ll be standing on that stage and all hail Caesar.” —slater.com©


Trenton, NJ February 28, 2016
Chris Christie restated his formal endorsement in Texas for businessman and Republican Presidential hopeful Donald Trump. “Look, I’m a straight talker you know that. Yeah I think I’d make a better President than Donald. Everyone running thinks they’re the best so what’s new. The reality is you’ve also got to be a realist. My main concern is that I have offended the people of New Jersey by signing up to be their Governor and then went and tried to get another job in a very public way. Of course they’re angry. It’s just human nature. I’d want the guy I hired to be at work and to get things done. And yeah we’re accomplishing stuff but let’s be real, probably not as much as if I was exclusively focused on being Governor of New Jersey. So with the residents of my state agitated and my Presidential ambitions currently suspended, I took a breath and realized that Vice President of the United States doesn’t sound too bad. Now understand this, Donald did not make any concrete promises, but I think we’re simpatico on many issues and quite frankly we’d make a great team. I’m a loyal guy and Donald respects loyalists. And the thing is whether or not you believe he can get done the things he has promised to do, his track record in terms of completing promised projects is pretty good. When I saw him initially adopting the same Make America Great Again slogan as Hitler used, it did kind of offend me, but hey I’m from New Jersey and if there’s one thing we know here it’s keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” —slater©


Miami, Fl February 23, 2016
Today former Florida Governor Jeb Bush commented outside his Miami campaign HQ. “I only said I was suspending my campaign. I’m a long way from out. I’m actually still very much alive. I’m hovering around being an active player but right now I’m circling but not quite ready to jump back into the fray. A lot of people confuse suspending a campaign with abandoning a campaign. I in no way ever used the word abandon. That’s just not my style. I said I would see this through to the end and that’s just what I’m going to do. Remember they still need to choose a VP and my Dad was Regans VP and that didn’t work out too bad now did it? So don’t count me out and don’t try to pigeon hole me. I may seem like I’ve stepped aside but the way I see it Donald Trump doesn’t wind up being the President. Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz may have citizenship problems. I mean Ted Cruz was a sitting US Senator while he was a citizen of another country. He wasn’t born here and we’re not sure whether Marco has some illegal immigration issues or not. I mean we just don’t know. So what about Dr. Carson? Nice guy but so many concerns it’s not really conceivable that he could emerge. That leaves Kasich. I’m seeing Bush/Kasich or even Kasich/Bush. I can’t say why but I’m feelin like that could be my ticket out of this mess. I can’t go up to Kennebunkport this summer a total loser. I’ve got to save face somehow. I mean my Dad has SS protection and my Brother has all his agents around plus former Presidents get updates on what’s going on which they are prohibited from talking to me about. So you think I’m going to watch my Father and Brother walk into the den and close the door, lock me out and post a guard while they are privy to the most important issues of our day? NO. I suffered a lot of injustice and embarrassment during this campaign so far but I’m not going away so fast. One way or another I’m still thinking that the Bush Clinton feud ain’t over.” —slater.com©


WASHINGTON D.C. October 23, 2015
Republican bloodbath hopes were dashed yesterday as Hillary Clinton sustained 11 hours of verbal assault aimed squarely at derailing her Presidential aspirations. A Republican party source confided today that spending more taxpayer dollars on Benghazi was not looking like our greatest idea. He said, “I mean we’re beyond watergate at this point. It’s starting to come back around at us and as my friend Nelly likes to say, it’s getting hot in here”. He continued, “You see with the Regan barracks attack and 9/11 and such, we kinda felt like we needed to maintain our Republicans will keep you safe mantra. So we’ve been looking for something to leech onto. We got this Benghazi situation and we’ve been trying to milk it like it’s the last cow alive in the barn and the kids haven’t eaten in days. But the milk is going sour on us as it appears that unbeknownst to us this Hillary would turn out to be the only one in the room who could take the heat. Go figure. I mean we thought for sure she’d crack under the lights with all of us sitting up on high yelling down at her. But she held her own, I mean don’t tell anyone I said that, please. And we never expected that even our base would reject our attempts to connect Hillary with the murder of 4 Americans including her friends. Usually they just roll with Fox’s talking points. But we’re sensing something different this time and it’s making us somewhat uncomfortable. I mean I was squarely for Trump before yesterday but now even I’m starting to think that it might take someone with her kind of experience to lead us out of this international mess that happened under W and others mind you. Again, this is just between us. Anyway, some of us are trying to figure out a way to bow out of Benghazi without losing face, but right now everytime we bring it up, I think we are adding points to Hillary’s side. We have some other options that we are pursuing right now in private session. We are considering re-opening the Whitewater investigation as well as the cattle futures mess and some of the issues concerning her family members that have been caught fibbing in the past. We’ll tar and feather her with all we’ve got and if that don’t work we’ll run her out of town on a rail. This isn’t about winning for all the American people anymore. This is about winning for our American people. Coming together is now anathema to our party. Winning means that the Democrats lose and if that takes our neighbors down with it, so be it.” —slater.com©


Washington, DC October 1, 2015
Today Kevin McCarthy responded to the firestorm of criticism hurled in his direction by Democratic leaders. “It was all just a silly missunderstanding”, McCarthy said. “I didn’t even really say what they said I said”. McCarthy was shown the Sean Hannity interview tape and asked to respond. “Could it be that the media would have liked me to admit such things and that the video which could very well have been altered just happened to fall into Democratic hands? Is it possible that during a private conversation with my good friend Sean, things were taken out of context? Perhaps once again just when the Clintons needed a patsy to take attention from their most recent charges, they targeted me the presumptive next Speaker of the House? Did you consider any of those explanations?” McCarthy was asked if he is suggesting that the tape was a fake and that the interview on Hannity did not happen. “I speak with my friend Sean all of the time. I cannot be expected to remember each word of every sentence we discuss. Did we ever speak of Hillary? Yes. Is she my favorite person and my best girl? No. But read between the lines and let’s face facts. What I say in a moment of transparent honesty should not be held to the same standard as you might with say, inside the beltway political gibberish. Look there’s a game here and there are rules. If I need to stop speaking my mind on Fox, where can I get things off my chest? Where can I speak freely? What about article 19 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights? May I remind you that in 1689 England’s Bill of Rights legally established the constitutional right of Freedom of Speech in Parliament which is still in effect?” But Mr. McCarthy even with all of that taken into consideration, you are being formally accused by the Democrats of spending almost 5 million dollars on a partisan witch hunt. The accusation states that you intentionally used the murder of brave Americans as a tool to reduce the stature of the Secretary of State of the United States of America thereby insulting their memories and their families not to mention helping the terrorists to acheive their goal of splintering US citizens and leaders into factions under their well known divide and conquer strategy. What say you? “I will not take these baseless spurious hollow charges lying down. I will rise up and seek the truth wherever it may take me and back I might add. Say what you will about me if you must but I am proud to be an American and I always will be”. Sir, I’m not sure that your response even touched on my question, I mean even in the slightest way. Could you drill it down a little for me? “Sure son, look I didn’t bring this on the Clintons. The Clintons did. I can’t be blamed for their misdeeds now can I? Remember a stitch in time saves nine.” I don’t know what you’re talking about congressman McCarthy, can I get you a glass of water and would you like to sit down for a moment? “Son, in these perilous times of war we find ourselves in one must reach back and locate the inner strength to go on. After I am elected Speaker I’ll call you in for an in-depth interview where we can lay it all out clear as day for everyone to see. How’s that sound to you kid?” Thank you for the opportunity to speak with you in the future but could you give me anything on the Benghazi investigation that you spoke of with Sean Hannity where you seemed to indicate that the main purpose of the investigation was to harm Hillary Clintons chances at becoming the next President? “Sure here’s your take-away son, Edgar Bergen once told me, Charlie he said, that’s what he called me, he said Charlie just keep your mouth open a little and as if by magic the right words will come out one at a time. So far they always have”. —slater.com©