Tag Archives: Jeb

TRUMP SAYS I’M STAYING ALL IN

New York, NY October 9, 2016
“I’m not sure if the tape was doctored or what, but I don’t exactly remember saying all of that. I might have had a minor type of similar conversation with Billy Bush, but it was so long ago maybe the Clintons fixed up the tape to make me look bad, I really don’t know. What I do know is that Bill Cosby is on trial here not me, right? So if the evidence were so strong that something illegal happened, then why aren’t I in jail? Think about it. He’s out roaming the streets with his medication doing who knows what while the media focus’s on me. Is it Bill Cosby or Bill Clinton? I don’t know. What I do know is that some women are very hot. Should I keep that a secret? I don’t think so. Besides, get over yourselves. I’ve said and done a lot worse before this came out that everybody already knows about. Why this? Why now? Media bias, right? Just wear your red hats and vote for me and let my private conversations stay private. After all, what about the 1st and 2nd amendments? Think about that. Do we need more amendments to protect my right to speak with a member of the Bush family in a private bus, just us two? Can you get a little privacy here in the states? I’m not sure anymore, right? It seems a little coincidental that a relative of Jeb’s is trying to bring me down with a little tape. Bushes in the White House. Bushes in the media. What’s up with that? Seems a little fishy to me. Y’know Snowden’s in Russia where he can speak freely about stuff. Ironic right? Hillary blasts my friend Vladimir but he lets an American speak his mind. What about my rights? Do I have to go to Russia to say what I feel? I hope not. I hope that America is still a place I can call home. Women are driving this issue. I don’t have a problem with them. They have a problem with me. I’m an open book. What are they thinking? I don’t want their votes anyway. They can stay home for all I care. If they don’t like that kind of talk, vote for someone else. I’ve got to be me. I’ve got to be free to express myself. You finally have a chance to vote for a President that revealed the skeletons in his closet before election day, not after. I’m not dropping out. I’m not a quitter. Don’t miss your chance to bring some reality to DC.” —slater.com©

JEB SAYS I’M REALLY STILL IN

Miami, Fl February 23, 2016
Today former Florida Governor Jeb Bush commented outside his Miami campaign HQ. “I only said I was suspending my campaign. I’m a long way from out. I’m actually still very much alive. I’m hovering around being an active player but right now I’m circling but not quite ready to jump back into the fray. A lot of people confuse suspending a campaign with abandoning a campaign. I in no way ever used the word abandon. That’s just not my style. I said I would see this through to the end and that’s just what I’m going to do. Remember they still need to choose a VP and my Dad was Regans VP and that didn’t work out too bad now did it? So don’t count me out and don’t try to pigeon hole me. I may seem like I’ve stepped aside but the way I see it Donald Trump doesn’t wind up being the President. Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz may have citizenship problems. I mean Ted Cruz was a sitting US Senator while he was a citizen of another country. He wasn’t born here and we’re not sure whether Marco has some illegal immigration issues or not. I mean we just don’t know. So what about Dr. Carson? Nice guy but so many concerns it’s not really conceivable that he could emerge. That leaves Kasich. I’m seeing Bush/Kasich or even Kasich/Bush. I can’t say why but I’m feelin like that could be my ticket out of this mess. I can’t go up to Kennebunkport this summer a total loser. I’ve got to save face somehow. I mean my Dad has SS protection and my Brother has all his agents around plus former Presidents get updates on what’s going on which they are prohibited from talking to me about. So you think I’m going to watch my Father and Brother walk into the den and close the door, lock me out and post a guard while they are privy to the most important issues of our day? NO. I suffered a lot of injustice and embarrassment during this campaign so far but I’m not going away so fast. One way or another I’m still thinking that the Bush Clinton feud ain’t over.” —slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS BEING ABLE TO DO ANYTHING IS A HUGE BURDEN

Iowa January 25, 2016
Donald Trump today took exception to analysis of his 5th Avenue shooter gaff. “Yes, I can do anything and still be immensely popular. But that’s not always comforting to me. Everyone else has some kind of internal governor that keeps them facing true north most of the time. I need to constantly stop myself and hold back from lashing out and well, just doing whatever I want to. It seems like a huge advantage most of the time but it is a lot of work. I get worn down because the world is more than my oyster, it’s my fricken giant clam and it’s still growing. I need to constantly look for the next pearl and I tell ya it isn’t always easy to find. How would you like it if there were no parents telling you what you could and couldn’t do when you were growing up? My parents got fed up trying to control me and sent me to military academy. But now I’m out here on my own. My parents are gone. The military academy has shut down. For the sake of both Corinthians, somebody help me please. Look I know what you’re thinking. Pull yourself together Trumpy. Keep a stiff upper lip. Put one foot in front of the other and march like back in school. Yeah, I know. But it is not easy being the kid who doesn’t have a curfew. We like to test our parents limits but I got no parents and apparently no limits. Anyway, I still have my 10 Billion dollars to fall back on. At least that brings me some comfort. But yesterday Mike Bloomberg announced that he might run. He’s got between 5 and 10 times my net worth. That means I won’t be top dog billionaire. And I don’t move off my top perch for nobody. Hear me? Nobody. So tell Mikey to take a hike and go find something else to do. This is my show and I’m takin it national. Besides he’s already got his own broadcast network on cable and radio. What does he need more publicity for? If he does enter the race, I’ll cut him down to size so fast he’ll wish he never set foot in the ring. Just look at the powerful Bush family entry in the race along with the rest of the so called contenders. Bring on all commers, I’ll take ’em on one at a time or all at once. They can’t beat me cause if I do everything right I’ll win and if I mess up I’ll probably get stronger.” —slater.com©

TRUMP CALLS OUT CARSON AS FIBBER

New York, NY November 10, 2015
At an impromptu press conference in the lobby of Trump Tower today Donald Trump spoke about Ben Carson. “Did he lie? I’ll leave that for you to decide. But I can say he’s a loser of the first order. That I can tell you. It’s not just that I’m a big winner – it’s that he’s a major loser.” Trump was asked why is Carson such a big loser. “Isn’t it obvious? He says he’s pathological. So a loser is someone who loses either way. Look I mean c’mon if he’s lying he loses and if he’s telling the truth he’s pathological. That’s a loser. I mean that is what a loser is. Someone who loses either way. It’s the very definition. I’m not just calling him a very low energy, bumbling, pyramid fact busting, people-stabbing loser. I’m calling him one of the biggest losers I’ve ever met or even ever heard of. He’s a loser if he’s right and he’s a loser if he’s wrong. That’s what a loser is. I think this guy is negative energy. I mean it’s that low. When he stands next to Jeb, Jeb looks electric. Don’t get me wrong, I like the guy as a person, but a leader needs more than smarts and a medical degree. He needs people to follow him into battle even when things are cloudy. A leader moves and people follow him automatically without thought or effort, they move as one, together. You think when Ben stands up to move anyone even notices? C’mon. His claim to fame is trying to stab someone? Getting a full ride to a school that never charges anyone? Admitting to both never applying to West Point and also getting a scholarship? C’mon!” But Mr. Trump, you have been proven to have been mistaken in your speech on numerous occasions. Aren’t you the last person who should be criticizing someones veracity? “No! That’s one of my endearing leadership qualities. Ben doesn’t have it. If he did he could say anything like I do. My credibility is unimpeachable. In essence, I do my best but get a pass because people sense I’m really like them if they had 10 billion dollars. Just like them but able to do or say whatever I want whenever I want to. They’re me and I’m them. You don’t go out of your way to accuse yourself of anything now do you so they give themselves and me a pass. And when I get a pass I tend to use it”. —slater.com©

HILLARY AND JEB TEAM UP TO SLAY TRUMP AND SANDERS

New York, NY and Miami Fl September 4, 2015
Today Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush projected a united front during a joint live-video-feed press conference from New York and Miami simulcast on both twitter-owned periscope and independent meercat. Speaking as one, Clinton and Bush gave a 22 minute presentation on the merits of familial rule vs. random populace elections. Following are highlights of that discussion: Secretary Clinton began, “Look I get it. You want fresh faces from families that have not had a turn ruling yet. Sure a case could be made for that.” Bush chimed in, “I know that some people are tired of the Clinton-Bush rivalry and want to move on to a new era. But with the situation that the world somehow finds itself in today, Hillary and I know that this country needs experienced leadership.” Hillary followed up with, “That’s right Jeb, we both have extensive direct political experience as well as through familial ties and we can call on family members for advice since they would have also been President at one time.” Jeb said, “Yes, Hillary you’ve got to have someone to call when situations arise in the world. I’ll call my brother first as coincidentally he was smack-dab in the middle of most of the trouble spots that have emerged in the world today. Y’know even when we were just young tikes that boy was always getting himself and everyone around him in one heck of a heap a trouble, let me tell you.” Hillary said, “Don’t I know it Jeb, relatives can really get into some deep holes that are difficult to get out of. But they’re the only ones in the entire world who’ve been there and done that and we can’t let this kind of political insight go to waste.” Jeb said, “Y’know Hillary we may have different views on policy and party platforms but we sure do see eye-to-eye on this one. Let’s work together to keep America on the path to greatness by insuring that our future is in the hands of individuals that have been time-tested in key governmental roles over the long haul”. Hillary said, “You are so right Jeb, its really got to be a person and preferably a family that has already lived the Presidential experience from inside the White House, if posible. That doesn’t leave us with too many choices but we’ll work with what we’ve got. We’re Americans after all.” Jeb said, “You got that right Hillary, we get ‘er done. That we do and more. And you can quote me on that.” Hillary then said, “So Jeb let’s break down our plan for these fine journalists so we can get our bipartisan message out to the people intact. We plan to lay low and let the extreme right aka Mr.Trump and the extreme left aka Bernie Sanders fly all over the country and spout off at the mouth everything wrong with society and when they run down all their money and energy, we’ll offer solutions that Americans can believe in.” Jeb said, “You got it Hillary, we’ll wait ’em out and head ’em off at the pass. Whatever we got to do because their efforts as Bill Murray said just don’t matter and the entrenched, experienced, Washingtonians have the inside track and all the money. It just doesn’t matter. It just doesn’t matter.” “Jeb, you said a mouthful but you got it right. In a few months as they are running out of gas we’ll be there to scoop up their supporters with kind words and images of a bright future.” “They’ll never know what hit ’em Hill.” “They never do Jebby. They never do” —slater.com©

Jeb says Trump not playing fair

Miami FL July 30, 2015
Today Jeb Bush gave a brief campaign speech in his home state of Florida focusing on the surging Trump campaign. Bush said, “Trump is not abiding by our internal ruleset. He knows it’s my turn. Daddy said I could be President next. And Trump knows that I will be the Republican nominee because my family, Karl Roves pac and the Kochs will see to that.” Asked why he seemed so upset if he would ultimately receive the nod Bush replied, “Because he’s saying all kinds of stuff that needn’t be said. You don’t speak about family business in public and you don’t ridicule other Republicans if you are a Republican. Trump said my Brother dubya was a half wit no good two timin loser who pretty much messed up the world in 8 years and would probably have destroyed what’s left of it if he had a third term. Was that necessary?” Bush was asked, Well what about free speech? Bush said, “Yes, free speech to a point. Free speech doesn’t mean you say anything you want to say whenever you want to say it, does it?” Well Mr. Bush, actually it does. “That’s your opinion. My take is that a certain genteel decorum should be maintained at all times. We are the party of honor, respect and service – yes service.” But Mr. Bush members of your family describe politics as your family business where you’ve made millions of dollars. Isn’t that self-service? Bush said, “That’s cute but you’ll need to do some better research before launching wild accusations our way. Besides Trump made millions as well.” Yes but he made it in the private sector which Republicans usually admire. “Look I’m glad Trump’s successful and a Republican. Just let him go back to his office and take care of business while those of us Bushes who are appointed to serve the people continue on in our proper roles. It’s only fair. —-slater.com©

Jeb says third times the charm

Miami Florida June 18, 2015
Today Jeb Bush said that all the fuss about his family political dynasty is being overblown. “I am my own man. My family has zero to do with me in any way regarding my candidacy. As you know my Mother famously said that enough Bushes have already been President and to give others a chance. But even so I will run and try my best to win and lead this great country of ours!” Bush was asked about his Dad failing to get a second term and his brother acting on misinformation and being largely blamed for the condition of the Middle East and other world problems. He replied, “It falls to me to correct Bush-caused problems of the past. I am the chosen one who will bring our families honor back whatever it takes. Count on that!” He was asked what makes him so confident and replied, “All my life I’ve noticed patterns. And all my life those patterns seemed to fall in threes. Ipso facto, I will be the Bush family saviour as the third times the charm. You know how you sometimes dream that the whole world is really just a set for your personal play? No? Well I do sometimes and as a Bush I kind of feel that we are supposed to be the lead actors in this play. You know how in High School the same actors keep getting chosen for the lead until they graduate? Well just think of my Father and Brother having graduated and now I’m up. Maybe in all of your personal plays or movies you can be President too! Meanwhile I think it’s pretty obvious that it’s my turn. Don’t get me wrong. I know I’ll have to work for it. You will all try and make it harder on me to build me up and train me, but, the conclusion of the story has already been written in my mind”. —-slater.com©

Barbara Bush says I told you so

Houston Texas May 17, 2015
In an awkward break from family solidarity Barbara Bush today said that her official campaign slogan remains, “No more Bushes”. She went on,” I said months ago before all this media coverage that Jeb should not run and no other Bushes should run for office in the future. I indicated that other families deserved a chance at the political limelight and it looks like I am in the process of being proven correct. As I have said before, deep down I know that Jeb would be a great President and is perhaps the best of the currrent pool of prospective nominees. However, enough is enough. We left England in part because a single family ruled for centuries and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Let’s follow George Washington’s example and allow for all individuals to participate in the electoral process as both a voter and a candidate. Should there be a prerequisite that you are related to a former President? I think not. I support all my family memebers fully especially my children and I want the best for them but America counts too and it needs new blood. Let’s move forward and on to the Presidency in true Republican style with grace and honor and most of all Bush-free in 2016!”

Reached for comment in Tempe Arizona Jeb Bush said, “I know my Mom is for me deep down and I’ll always have her support when I need it most”. Asked if her love for America superceding her political support of his potential candidicy is a hinderence to his campaign, Bush said, “No, I am a 62 year old grandfather. My Mommy can say anything she wants and I’ll do what I want as well”. Bush was asked about his claims this week that he would do what his Brother did in Iraq and also that he would not go into Iraq. He was asked to square the apparent flip-flop. Bush replied, “All of you so-called newscasters with your crazy hypotheticals flying around. How about we get real and face the future together instead of looking back towards what my Brother did and whether I might or might not do the same? The bottom line is this-we’re from Texas. Saddam Hussain created a mosaic of my Dad’s face at the entrance to one of his buildings causing shoes and feet and dirt to stain the very image of my Dad. His honor was besmirched on a daily basis so when a picture of a truck was found near what appeared to be a warehouse which could have contained many things including dangerous materials, what was my Brother to do? Here was a clear besmirchment coupled with a potential dangerous situation-it was quite incendiary. He merely wanted to remove the mosaic image of our Dad while cleaning out the warehouse per our satillite intel. I mean in retrospect what would anyone have done if it was their Father? Do you ask yourselves that?” But later you said you wouldn’t have gone into Iraq. What’s that about? Bush said, “Correct, I would have maintained a more focused theatre of engagement”. How so? “I would have taken out the tile doormat of Dad by air and sent in a special forces elite team to discover the true contents of the warehouse. It’s the combination of select drone and air missions, high-level intel partnerships and elite commando raids that will win the day long term.” Isn’t that what President Obama is doing now? Bush said, “I don’t focus on the competition. I play to win. I run the race in front of me and don’t look back. I suggest you do the same”. —slater.com©

Jeb asserts Bushes not trying to restore English crown to US

Miami, Fl.
Today former republican Florida Governor Jeb Bush made known his distaste for the current theory that the Bush family has some secret plan to restore the English Crown to the US. Bush said,” The liberal media’s portrayal of my meeting with Queen Elizabeth as anything more than a cordial get-together of old friends is preposterous. I stopped by Kensington not to “receive instructions” or to “cement plans” but to just “say hi”. Bush added that it is merely a coincidence that his Father and Brother were both US Presidents. “Should I be excluded from running just because other members of my family have sought leadership positions in the past? I have a lot to offer this country and yes maybe I did pick up a thing or two watching my family run things. Is it so bad that the continuity of one family in charge of things breeds stability and control? We’re the greatest country on earth and maybe my family helped. I’m proud of that. If you elect me then maybe even more help is on the way. Think about that while you’re trying to create a dust-up where none needs to exist. I have my own ideas, my own theories, my own brand of compassionate conservatism that may resemble prior Bush administrations but will never duplicate or copy their methods outwardly or inwardly for that matter. I may look similar to them and my advisors may be the same but the country is changing and I’ll adapt to whatever situation evolves. Don’t judge me by my family, my upbringing or how I look. Would you want to be judged that way?”.

When asked about the recent extravagant purchases by his wife Bush replied,”The fact that the media is trying to draw a parallel between my wife’s jewelry purchases and the crown jewels of England is insulting. The reason my wife took the diamonds, rubies and emeralds out of their settings and glued them into a mock-up of a crown was simply for one of our grandchildren’s halloween costumes. Most Americans celebrate halloween – we’re no different. The picture of my wife wearing the bejeweled crown was just a silly photo – all in fun. We don’t consider ourselves American royalty or anything like that. It’s just that we think the first George (Washington) may have been a tad hasty when he turned over the keys to the kingdom after his term was up. That’s the moment he could have created a dynasty – could still be members of his family in high places pulling all the strings, could have held power and control. Yes – he could have had it all. Instead with this constant turnover of Presidents it’s difficult to get things done. You can see the dysfunction in Washington today, can’t you? I mean it’s not just me is it? We need some straight line dynastic thinking, some consistency, an old approach to old problems because this is no time to reinvent the wheel. Conservatism is about conserving and nothing conserves better or more than the same old thing and that is best represented by me”. –slater.com©