Tag Archives: President Trump

TRUMP TO STOP IMPRISONING CHILDREN

Washington DC January 7, 2019
“All the uproar over these illegal children storming our borders is pointless. These kids and their families are breaking the law, not me. I’m not guilty, they are. How come if they are illegally crossing the border and we throw them in fenced pens inside abandoned Walmarts, I’m to blame? Remember, I’m a citizen, they’re not. I’ve got American rights, they don’t. I don’t know who they are. I don’t know where they’re from. What exactly do you want me to do? I’m the chief law enforcement officer for this country, so I lock ’em up. Whatever age they are, wherever they’re from, whoever they are. We’ve rented large abandoned buildings and installed indoor fencing to hold ’em till we can figure out how to send em back wherever it is they came from. I mean the parents are charged as adult illegals and sent to prison, but we can’t send the kids to prison so we pen ’em up in those stores, but everyone’s complaining about the conditions. I don’t see everyone stepping up to house these kids, besides we can’t really release them into anyone’s custody but their parents anyway, so our hands are tied. Now if you’d have given me my wall right away, they wouldn’t even be here now, would they? No. So whose fault is it? Not mine. Anyway, I’m tired of the complaining about the conditions of these separated pened up children. We won’t do it anymore, I’m pretty sure of that. We just need to try and find out where the parents are so we can get them back together. It is a very dramatic ending to this episode and I want to capture all the overflowing emotions during the tearful reunions. I’m pretty sure the press will focus on nothing but this happy ending for a good long time.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP WORKS WITH MUSK TO SPEED IMMIGRANT DEPARTURES

Washington, DC November 1, 2018
“Today I called entrepreneur Elon Musk to advise him of my intention to sign with his company for a pet project of mine. I will announce soon that Musk’s Boring Company will build for me and the US a high-speed underground rail line that will move people directly to Mexico quickly and in short order. This new innovation will reduce the time it takes to reverse the tide of unwashed masses hurtling toward our shining shores. These aliens will be sent back without prejudice, favor or discrimination. Just based on the legal facts, that’s all. I was asked by the press if my mother was a legal citizen at my birth as well as the mothers of 4 of my 5 children. I believe they all were, but if it is proven that the marriages were invalid for cause, then I agree that me and 4 of my children will be amongst the first load on the underground railway out of the country. This rule must apply to everyone including the elite like me. I have informed 4 of my children and they are unhappy but will comply if necessary. Meanwhile the weather in Mexico is very nice and we can fly anywhere we wish to if it doesn’t work out there. Wherever we Trumps go though, success will follow and we will be the cream that rises to the top in any environment. If you stop winning after we leave don’t say I didn’t warn you.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP TELLS FED TO STOP TIGHTENING

Washington, DC October 12, 2018
“I hired that punk and look at how he’s thanking me. I cut corporate taxes and tariffed anything that moved to get jobs and growth back here. Now my own people are against me. They say they’re worried about the future, about our children. They don’t want them drowning in debt. They want to head off so called inflation. To me inflation just means our companies can get more money from selling stuff. Higher prices mean more profits, right? More profits means higher stock markets. I say, let the good times roll now. These kids are so smart always staring at their hand computers or whatever they’re doing. Let them figure a way out later. For now, it’s Trump Time. Drinks all around, except me. Enjoy.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP TWITTERS TOODALOO TO TILLERSON

Washington DC March 13, 2018
“Told Tillerson to take time to travel throughout Texas. Didn’t have time to meet with him in person. I would have liked to point at him and do the whole bit but I am the President. Gotta stay on schedule. Anyway he’s out along with a few other people. I’m just fine tuning this machine. We’re almost there. When I saw the ratings on the Bachelor, I knew I would have to make some dramatic moves.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP TELLS EVERYONE TO CHILL OVER TRADE WAR

Washington, DC March 7, 2018
“Look rubes, just relax. You’re focusing too much on what I say. There is no connection between the words that exit my mouth and any actions that I might or might not take. I’m a micro-visionary. My world is what is happening right now. I give no thought to the future. None at all. So if you hear me say something about tariffs or anything else, it is only that moment I am referring to. Not the future. When we get to the future I’ll have more to say.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP ORDERS MASSIVE MILITARY PARADE IN DC

Washington DC February 7, 2018
“I will show the world who can roll tanks down a street the best. The best, us. More tanks, more flags, more guns, more ammo, more cammo, you can’t keep up world, you won’t keep up with me militarily. I may not have been in the armed forces but nobody loves him a pageant more than I do. And I don’t see any reason to exclude the ladies from this show of force. They’re strong and tough, our girls. Yes they are. I’ve asked Ivanka to lead the parade dressed similarly to the statue of liberty but holding a gatling gun instead of a torch. Beautiful. Sorry, she’s taken boys. And there’ll be guns, oh lots of guns. I’ll be in my reviewing stand, looking down on the troops. I will work closely with the Pentagon for weeks if necessary to make sure the color combinations accentuate the DC light just right from every angle. Details, that’s what I’m known for, studying the little things and making sure I get everything just right. And I can’t think of anything more important to me right now than a big parade in honor of my first year in charge.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP DENIES REPORTED HARSH COMMENTS

Washington, DC January 14, 2018
“So no, I didn’t exactly say what was reported in the fake news. I wouldn’t say such things and they know it. I have many friends and maybe even some relatives from those places, check into it and you’ll see. I was mostly concerned with Kenya because of the fraud and cover-up of Obamas birthplace. That’s what should be investigated, not me. How come he can pretend to be from here when everyone knows he was born over there? If there’s an Africa story to be reported it starts in Kenya with Obamas Brother and Aunt. And I heard that people involved in the Public Warning texting incident yesterday in Hawaii may very well have been Obama appointees or had some kind of connection to him. Coincidence?” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP TELLS DACA KIDS TO STAY TUNED

Washington, DC January 11, 2018
“I may just find a way to keep these beautiful kids here in the US. I might. I just might. Of course my base wants them to go. So it’s really a quandary. But not for me. I stay either way. They go. They stay. It’s really up in the air right now, isn’t it? Looks like this’ll be real good for the ratings especially when children are being evicted from the only home they’ve ever known. I couldn’t have asked my writers for a more suspenseful script. What will I do? Who’ll stay and who’ll go? This episode is going to kill it during sweeps week. You’ll just have to sit on the edge of your seats biting your nails until I decide.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP TELLS FEINSTEIN KEEP SENSITIVE INFORMATION PRIVATE

Washington, DC January 10, 2018
“I just think it was unprofessional of Senator Feinstein to release private information. If you are going to be in government, you’ve got to know when to keep your mouth shut. I always say loose lips sink ships.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS LET THE KIDS PAY FOR THE TAX CUTS

Washington, DC December 20, 2017
“The kids didn’t build this country, we did. If this tax reduction bill increases the national debt by 1.5 Trillion dollars, so what. They should just consider it a past due invoice for services rendered. Someones got to pick up the check and it ain’t gonna be me.” ~~slater.com©