Cupertino, Ca June 23, 2015
Taylor Swift today attacked Apple, Inc. lambasting and pummeling them in the press for the second time in as many days. Swift’s new complaint says that Apple has stolen her very name by selling a hot iOS programming language under the name Swift. Swift said, “What’s next, a software program that mends clothes called Taylor? I’ve had it up to here with Apple milking me and my image not to mention my intellectual property for all it’s worth. Did they think I wouldn’t notice they had named the hot software Swift? Pay up Apple or prepare to get muddy. I spoke with my friend Spike Lee about his tussle with Viacom over the naming of the cable network Spike and he said they finally backed down and paid up when he got all up in their business about it. Thanks Spike. I get it. Now Apple prepare to get yours”.
Tim Cook responded by saying, “Taylor you are a precious jewel of a singer and a pretty good dancer as well I might add. Swift is a common word in the English language that our attorney’s advised us we could use as it represented clean speed which we are trying to express through our development work. However we value you and were wondering if there was anything else we could do to molify and placate you at this time?”
Swift responded by saying, “Tim you are a gentleman. I have a few minor requests. First I would like 100 gold MacBooks sent to my top 100 fan club Presidents for $1. each. Second I would like my music to be prominently advertised on your web platforms at least 5 times per person per hour. Third I would like all iPods and other music devices to be pre-loaded with a snipet of my latest songs to provide a taste to my fans and new listeners of my most recent work. And last I would like the Apple store to move closer to my house as it is currently a 10 block walk to get there. There are some suitable locations in my neighborhood that would work”.
The Apple leader responded by saying, “Taylor you have once again shown your high level of professionalism. We will agree to your terms with one caveat. We must wait for our lease to end prior to moving our Apple store close to your home. In the meantime we will ship the notebooks, pre-load your songs and run the ads. Sing on sweet Taylor. You are a breath of fresh air!” —–slater.com©