Tag Archives: Trumpy

TRUMP TO STOP IMPRISONING CHILDREN

Washington DC January 7, 2019
“All the uproar over these illegal children storming our borders is pointless. These kids and their families are breaking the law, not me. I’m not guilty, they are. How come if they are illegally crossing the border and we throw them in fenced pens inside abandoned Walmarts, I’m to blame? Remember, I’m a citizen, they’re not. I’ve got American rights, they don’t. I don’t know who they are. I don’t know where they’re from. What exactly do you want me to do? I’m the chief law enforcement officer for this country, so I lock ’em up. Whatever age they are, wherever they’re from, whoever they are. We’ve rented large abandoned buildings and installed indoor fencing to hold ’em till we can figure out how to send em back wherever it is they came from. I mean the parents are charged as adult illegals and sent to prison, but we can’t send the kids to prison so we pen ’em up in those stores, but everyone’s complaining about the conditions. I don’t see everyone stepping up to house these kids, besides we can’t really release them into anyone’s custody but their parents anyway, so our hands are tied. Now if you’d have given me my wall right away, they wouldn’t even be here now, would they? No. So whose fault is it? Not mine. Anyway, I’m tired of the complaining about the conditions of these separated pened up children. We won’t do it anymore, I’m pretty sure of that. We just need to try and find out where the parents are so we can get them back together. It is a very dramatic ending to this episode and I want to capture all the overflowing emotions during the tearful reunions. I’m pretty sure the press will focus on nothing but this happy ending for a good long time.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP WORKS WITH MUSK TO SPEED IMMIGRANT DEPARTURES

Washington, DC November 1, 2018
“Today I called entrepreneur Elon Musk to advise him of my intention to sign with his company for a pet project of mine. I will announce soon that Musk’s Boring Company will build for me and the US a high-speed underground rail line that will move people directly to Mexico quickly and in short order. This new innovation will reduce the time it takes to reverse the tide of unwashed masses hurtling toward our shining shores. These aliens will be sent back without prejudice, favor or discrimination. Just based on the legal facts, that’s all. I was asked by the press if my mother was a legal citizen at my birth as well as the mothers of 4 of my 5 children. I believe they all were, but if it is proven that the marriages were invalid for cause, then I agree that me and 4 of my children will be amongst the first load on the underground railway out of the country. This rule must apply to everyone including the elite like me. I have informed 4 of my children and they are unhappy but will comply if necessary. Meanwhile the weather in Mexico is very nice and we can fly anywhere we wish to if it doesn’t work out there. Wherever we Trumps go though, success will follow and we will be the cream that rises to the top in any environment. If you stop winning after we leave don’t say I didn’t warn you.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP ORDERS MASSIVE MILITARY PARADE IN DC

Washington DC February 7, 2018
“I will show the world who can roll tanks down a street the best. The best, us. More tanks, more flags, more guns, more ammo, more cammo, you can’t keep up world, you won’t keep up with me militarily. I may not have been in the armed forces but nobody loves him a pageant more than I do. And I don’t see any reason to exclude the ladies from this show of force. They’re strong and tough, our girls. Yes they are. I’ve asked Ivanka to lead the parade dressed similarly to the statue of liberty but holding a gatling gun instead of a torch. Beautiful. Sorry, she’s taken boys. And there’ll be guns, oh lots of guns. I’ll be in my reviewing stand, looking down on the troops. I will work closely with the Pentagon for weeks if necessary to make sure the color combinations accentuate the DC light just right from every angle. Details, that’s what I’m known for, studying the little things and making sure I get everything just right. And I can’t think of anything more important to me right now than a big parade in honor of my first year in charge.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP TELLS DACA KIDS TO STAY TUNED

Washington, DC January 11, 2018
“I may just find a way to keep these beautiful kids here in the US. I might. I just might. Of course my base wants them to go. So it’s really a quandary. But not for me. I stay either way. They go. They stay. It’s really up in the air right now, isn’t it? Looks like this’ll be real good for the ratings especially when children are being evicted from the only home they’ve ever known. I couldn’t have asked my writers for a more suspenseful script. What will I do? Who’ll stay and who’ll go? This episode is going to kill it during sweeps week. You’ll just have to sit on the edge of your seats biting your nails until I decide.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS HE LOVES HIS LITTLE DREAMERS

Washington, DC September 6, 2017
“I love me my precious dreamers. You are very much cared for and loved. It’s my tough love approach that will make you and this great country of ours stronger. Go, go out into the world. Seek your fortune and your fate. Leave the nest my little dreamer babies, well some of you are almost 30 now aren’t you? I love you all…I do so much it hurts me more than it hurts you I’ll bet. I expect to hear great things from you little dreamers. And one day, if you’re good, maybe you can return to the USA with your head held high and a new confidence as you will have faced down the world with a grit you could only have picked up here in America. Yes, my baby dreamers, we give you a big gift as we push off your little rowboats from our pleasant shores and send you out like Cuba did in their boat lift. Goodbye dreamers, you will thank me later, believe me.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS HE ISN’T LYING JUST SPITBALLING

Phoenix, AZ August 23, 2017
“I don’t lie and I never have. Was it George Washington or Abraham Lincoln who didn’t chop down the cherry tree? I don’t know. But I know I didn’t do it. I like cherries but you won’t find me lying about them like other Presidents have. Did the media ever lie? I’ll let you figure that out. I tell the truth as I see it. How can you argue with that? You can’t, I always win. Always. No one’s bigger. No one’s badder. I’m the king. I mean I don’t really think I’m the king or anything but I’m the top of the heap, that’s for sure, right? The people at my rallies love me. I’ll keep doing rallies to keep my head on straight. I eat applause and cheering. I can riff for hours about all the past glories. Have I told you the one about beating Hillary? She’s guilty not me, that I can tell you. I got a lot more votes than her if you count the other one’s I’m talking about, believe me. A lot more. I win and I win big. Build the wall.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS HE’LL CREATE JOBS BY ALLOWING EVERYONE IN AMERICA TO WORK AT THE WHITE HOUSE FOR A FEW DAYS

Washington, DC August 18, 2017
“Only I could arrange for my citizens to receive gainful employment experience here in DC. I will hire anyone interested in a temporary position into my administration. Although they may not be around that long, what happens in here will give them food for thought for the rest of their lives. I mean it. They’ll look back fondly at their brief time in the White House and pine for the old days when we could just shoot the breeze in the oval office. Fun times, good times. I’m looking forward to meeting a lot of you here in the Capitol for your on-boarding. To save time we also conduct your exit interview later that same day.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS RUSSIAN ATTORNEY WAS HILLARY IN DISGUISE

Washington DC July 16, 2017
“I knew it. I’ve just been told that facial recognition software will prove that the so-called Russian Government Lawyer was none other than Hillary Clinton in disguise. That explains a lot. My boy was duped by the Clinton gang from Little Rock. Those country bumpkins may have outsmarted us city slickers for now but we’re not done for yet. I’ll back up my little boy Jr. all the way till the end. You can count on that. The Clinton machine may be after him but we’ve got some pull as well. I thought all this was a hoax and part of the fake news conspiracy but it turns out that as usual when you look behind the curtain it’s just little Bill and Hillary up to their old tricks with their Russian friends. So my boy is now in the clear and the Attorney General can refocus the attention of the entire Department of Justice where it belongs. And that’s off of us and squarely on the Clintons.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP TRIES TO TIME TWEETS

Washington, DC June 5, 2017
“When I feel a lull in coverage, I tweet. Ratings matter. I don’t care if my staff or family asks me to keep quiet. The show must go on. Nobody shuts me down. I’m the richest multi-billionaire President there ever was. That didn’t happen by accident. Timing. Timing. Some people wait for life to find them. I go and find life. I can mostly tell when to tweet or write or speak if it looks like everybody wants me to shut up. The more that I’m asked to keep a lid on it, the quicker I try to get my thoughts out to my people. Basically, I’m a contrarian. I do the opposite of the herd. Everyone says I should keep my big mouth shut so that’s my signal to lash out and spout like a harpooned whale. Recently though, I think they have caught on to my method of operating so they are using reverse psychology on me. Or at least they are trying to. Now when they tell me to speak out and tweet, I know that they don’t really want me to because they think I’ll do the opposite. But I’m on to them and I’m tweeting about people, cases before the Supreme Court, policies, intelligence, you name it. They can’t stop me and I won’t let them even try. I have the password to my twitter account and even if they take my phone away or shut it down, I can stop at any store or borrow anyones phone and release a fresh twitter storm at will. My voice which is the voice of my people will get out and be heard because I seem to know just what to say and exactly when to say it.” ~~slater.com©

TRUMP SAYS HE’S NOT STANDING BY ANYTHING

Washington, DC May 1, 2017
Interviewed by John Dickerson over the weekend President Trump finally admitted, “I don’t stand by anything.” We caught up with the President to see if we could get some clarification. Mr. President with all due respect, sir, you didn’t really mean that you don’t stand by anything, do you? “Yeah, actually I’m the one person here in Washington who does mean what they say. You watched the interview and I stand by my comments, each and every one.” But Mr. President, the key controversial statement that you made was that you don’t stand by anything, now you say that you do stand by your comments. “That’s right, I stand by my comment that I don’t stand by anything. But anything has different meanings to different people. Remember, citizens in this great country of ours are diverse. Not just in their appearance but in their views, education and life experiences. I am speaking to them, my American people. They deserve straight talk and I’m the one who’s gonna let them have it”. But, sir, how can you equate straight talk with not standing by anything you say? I mean you said that on tape for all to see on CBS. “Maybe they edited the tape in some way to make me look bad, that’s the fake news for you. I was just in Harrisburg with my folks and they don’t think much of the news either. I bet a lot of them wouldn’t stand by it. I don’t think we should stand for it either, do you?” Sir well, that’s not really for me to say. “Sure it is, you’re an American, right? You have the right to free speech. But remember that freedom isn’t free. I’m asking other countries to pony up right now by the way. No more free rides on old Uncle Sams back. No more freeloading. You wanna sit on my couch all day, you’d best have settled the bill with the front desk. Am I right?” Well sir, I, I don’t really know. But what about the fact that you stated on the record that you simply don’t stand for anything? “Well son, just because I seemed to say it, don’t make it true now does it?” ~~slater.com©